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male
,
anonymous
writes: Hi,I'm a 21 year old male and got a little too jealous at some parties I went to with my girlfriend of over a year. I'm sure alcohol amplified my emotions a little bit, but I know the first time this happened I really hurt her. As the situation progressed and only got worse (there were a few different incidents) she decided that we should take a break, and then eventually after another incident she broke it off. I lost it, was in tears, and apologized over and over again. She said that she would think about getting back together but couldn't guarantee anything. She wants her space right now and I want her back. I feel that I can control my emotions in the future and we can fix what we had. I know that she feels she gave me enough chances and I screwed things up. What do I do? -Willing to change, love her too much to lose her ...
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (19 February 2006):
 YOu have hurt her deeply but this you know, unfortunatly when we are jeolouse and the green eyed monster appears then we are open to hurting the ones we love the most, trust is such a delicate thing.
I doubt that you can change as something deep inside you tells you that you cannot whole heartedly trust this woman and this will not go away just because you want it to.
I think you need a break from women so you can spend some time working through why you get so jealous and mistrustfull, have you been this way with other partners, has this lady done anything that may make you feel she is up to something.
A certain amount of jealousy is healthy but when it becomes out of hand and wrecks relationships for no good reason then it needs dealing with, and only you can work through this.
Let her have her space and you have yours, if it is over then accept this and in time move on, learn your lesson and for future relationships remember it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2006): The ball is entirely in her court at this point. You've said your piece, she knows you want to get back together and that you're going to 'try your best'-the question now is only whether SHE'S willing to try it again.
In a case like this, I would tell your girlfriend honestly to not go straight back to you. It's very easy for a heartbroken guy to make promises. However, said promises tend to erode very quickly if the couple gets back together as both people, without even thinking, fall back into the same rut they were in before.
What these means for you is you should maybe consider dating no one or maybe dating someone different while you work on this jealousy problem you have. Real, lasting personal changes take time - a LONG time, generally. If you get right back together with the same girl, I guarantee you no matter how hard you try this same problem will keep cropping up and ruin the relationship yet again.
Good luck.
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