A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:please help ive made an awful mess of this.ok i have a good friend and during the summer we became close. hes been with a girl 5 years. she has a lot of issues which hes explained. she needs lots of space, goes out drinking with guys from work and takes holidays with them. i dont know what happened he confessed he had feelings for me and we've kissed a few times. thats all stopped. anyway we didnt see each other for a few months after that as we were in different places. im ashamed to say i see it now but i was becoming obssessive with him, i was texting a lot and emailing a lot because i wanted to be with him but he already made it clear it wasnt possible at this point in time. anyway this has been going on for a few months and now hes avoiding me totally. i text and get no reply etc. he texted the other day to say it was getting too much and he just wanted his old friend back but didnt view me as a stalker or anything but wanted me to calm down. i havent been eating for the last few months and am sure that hasnt helped. ive been very panicky and paranoid and hate what ive become. im eating agin now and getting straight but our friendships hanging by a threadbare and instead of the chance in the future now of possibly being with him ive destroyed that im gutted.theres no point texting as hes still angry with me.we're going on respective trips away hes going for 3 im going for 2 -different places. how can i show him when im back that im the same old me pleeeease help
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (27 October 2012):
 In know this isn't what you're asking but you state you are
1) not eating
2) paranoid
3) panicky
4) anxious
5) obsessive
I don't know whether this is your general personality or whether it all came up after the problems with this one guy. More likely a combination.
I'd honestly advise that you go to your GP and ask to be referred for counselling. Perhaps you are really feeling better now in which case the advise isn't necessary, but bear it in mind in case things deteriorate again.
And I think it's best that you truly move on from this guy. If you don't know why you should or how to, some professional counselling will help you.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 Did he never break up with his girlfriend? He saw that you like him and could give him the attention that he lacks in his other relationship. After he saw the vulnerable in you he decided to stop because he didn't want to lead you on. His intent was not to have a relationship with you. I am afraid to say your friendship is no possible because you have feelings for him and would always want more. If you are a really cool person you will be fine and respect his decision to cut back contact. Maybe if you start dating other guys you will not see him as so much a priority in your life. That would make him more comfortable and less pressured.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (27 October 2012):
 I agree. I think you should leave him alone and let him decide if he still wants you as a friend. Being in his face will only push him further away and it isnt in your control to save the friendship.
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A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 There's no point in texting because it's the opposite of what he wants. My advice is to stop texting calling or messaging him altogether. Leave him alone. When he comes back to you and starts talking then you act and talk like your normal self would, you said you are back to normal so this should be easy. But if you still have feelings for him beyond just friends I think you should distance yourself completely. It is too hard to have a friend you want to be with and can't, you will likely revert back to the same things you were doing.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (27 October 2012):
 Hi
I wouldn't bother, he has a girlfriend and things between you and him were getting too cosy. I think you will need alot of time apart and also you need to meet a new man, a boyfriend,not friend.
You got too emotionally attached, the texting and obsession proves that.
Have your time away,delete his number so temptation is gone.If, in time he is single then who knows.But I would assume he won't be and this time next year you may be with somebody and happy and able to JUST be mates with this guy.
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