A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and a childhood friend ( who messed around as kids) hooked back up as grown ups. We did everything together. We really liked each other. Both of us never spoke of our feelings other than we liked each other. ( I felted more for him- I think he did too) We are very Christian. I ended up getting pregnant and having his baby and now he hates me. We fight all the time. Everyone thinks we are in love with each other and just don't know how to tell the other. I can say it is true on my part. I don't want to open up and tell him I love him only to have him to hurt my feelings. What should i do?
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (10 May 2007):
 Hi
I dont think there is any other right that will make this situation better. sometimes when you find yourself in a bad relationship when a child comes its a beginning of new life and a new romance for the parents which means the child changed things for the better. on the other way around situations move from better to worse and i think thats where yours is currently going instead of this pregnancy bringing you together its tearing you guys apart.
so i think you need to make peace with yourself and close this chapter of your life. if you guys really love each other i believe it wouldnt be this difficult to disclose your feelings to each other. you said you dont want to tell him because you are afraid he will hurt you i think its because deep down you know he is just not the one and the way he carries himself is not what you are looking for. if what they say its true he loves you too why then do you feel he hates you instead? think about that, assess your feelings for this guy maybe its just that bond you had when you were little that cant bring you closer as a couple. maybe things are just not meant to be. do you think the environment both of you have created will be suitable to raise a child in it? learn not to condone things that you can see if you persist with them they will just bring misery into your life in the future. if then you can not do it for yourself then do it for your child.
Jovial
A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (10 May 2007):
I think that if both of you are Christian, then the opportunity exists to enlist a trusted pastor or priest to act as a mediator. Discuss this with your boyfriend, and then choose an acceptable mediator to both of you. Preferably it should be a pastor or priest who both of you trust and respect.
A combination of individual and couple sessions, all in confidence, should help both of you relearn how to communicate and strengthen your ties to your faith.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2007): Are you kidding? Tell him! There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, in fact it is the only thing you can do. Too many of us hide our feeling, develop misunderstanding and never really develop honest, loving and open relationship. So what if he is not interested, at least you will have acted with integrity. Hiding your feelings with a new man (for example) would be a wise thing for a while, but you have known this man for SO long. Why on earth do you think you can not trust him to show your hand. He may feel the same way, how would you know. He may think you don't even like him and be scared as you are. There are times in life when you have to stand up and be counted. This is one of them. How did you get to be so uncourageous (is that a word?!). Take a deep breath and do it, stop messing around, you may just make the happiest relationship out of it. If you lose, so what, you will hurt but you wil know you did your best. That is life and everyone who gets the best from life is prepared to take risks for the sake of it, every now and then. Let us know what happens.
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