A
male
age
26-29,
*hekidamidstall
writes:I dont know where to begin with this predicament, but I'll do my best to explain. I have this friend, i'll call her "K". We've been friends since the beginning of the school year and soon after me and my ex broke up as well as K and her ex broke up, we did begin to have feelings for each other somewhere down the line. Thing is after we found out our feelings for eachother we were both unsure about entering a relationship because we just got out of relationships ourselves. However, as about 3 or 4 weeks passed i was feeling more confident in entering a relationship but she was still very unsure, even though she said she liked me. I was becoming more emotionally...i guess i could say attached to her, because we did hang out at times and we kissed and were a bit romantic and such. In the end though i was wondering what the point of it all was, being that she was(and still is) so indecisive and unsure. It sort of drove me crazy thinking about it, weather or not she really liked me, thinking that she'd choose to be single and having me end up hurt again, and weather or not i really wanted to bother pursuing anything with her. I have talked with her and she told me she feels the exact same way towards me (minus the ending up hurt part), and alot of times when i thought about that i've ended up gravitating towards "no, its not worth it" more times than not.Now fast forward a couple weeks after these doubts and frustrations were set in place. I go on Omegle.com and randomly meet this girl i'll call "R". We begin talking on facebook and after a couple days i began to develop a bit of a liking to her. Once this happened though, i felt as if i was being disloyal to K, even though we arent actually together. I expressed how i felt to R and told her about my situation with K, and she told me she was really really taking a liking to me. I did and do like her alot and i didnt want to hurt her feelings so badly because she has had her heart broken so many times, but i still felt bad about K. I thought heavily about what i wanted in a relationship. K is a bit distant to begin with and wasnt very romantic/affectionate most times(turn offs for me)and that became even worse when the uncertainty came about with her. I was always the one looking for her, looking to hang out with/talk to her, and she still was so distant and such. As for R, even though she lives 3 hours away from me, she looks a bit to be romantic, and really shows she enjoys interacting with me, and always looks for me, all things i do look for in a relationship. I ultimately chose R, and the LDR began only days ago. Thing is, i expressed my heavy doubts to K, but never flat out told her about R and weather i was certain about not wanting to pursue anything further. I feel so awful that I'd end up hurting her, and there are times when i wonder if i made the right decision. I feel like such an asshole and so guilty that i did such a thing to K and so quickly. I've been beating myself up about it quite a bit and the sadness that comes from it doesnt seem to go away entirely. These factors make it very difficult at times to be happy in even interacting with R, as much as i do like her.Sorry for such a long post, and im grateful to anyone who reads the whole thing. But did i really make the right decision, and how can i really end up being without feeling the guilt/sadness. I know i should end things with K ASAP, but then what about after that? Any advice would be appreciated, and feel free to call me an asshole, even just a bit, because i feel like i've become one...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): Yea, that's hard.I know how you feel, with the "am i a asshole?"All i can think to say is, go with your gut.What you want, not think.What'll help you in the long run.Just listen to your self,if anything, who do you feel stronger for?Who can you see your self with in the long wrong?Ask yourself those questions- T.
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