A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I did something awful and I don't know what to do. I was out of town for work and was hanging out with other people in my field. We were drinking and a man who's very well known in my field started paying attention to me and I was flattered even though I wasn't attracted to him. We kept drinking and hanging out through the night and at the end I made out with him. I'm married and very much love my husband. My husband has told me in the past that if I ever cheat not to tell him because it would break his heart but I really don't know what to do, I am such a piece of shit. Has anyone ever been in this situation? Will I ever feel better? Every time my husband tells me he loves me I want to cry, I don't think it's worth risking my marriage and his happiness but I hate myself so much and I have no one I can tell. Please help me!
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female
reader, Beautynomore +, writes (20 February 2013):
It was just a kiss, zip it!!! Your punishing yourself enough. Forgive yourself, make a promise to never do anything like that again, and move on!!
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (17 February 2013):
 Time heals everything. I can understand this is clouding your judgement.
You stopped before it went any further. And considering that you had had a few drinks that took a lot of strength.
Is there anyone who has never made a mistake in their life?I doubt it. And if they claim to have never made a mistake they may well be lying.
Give yourself time to heal your guilt and your pain. Throw yourself into a positive project. Something wonderful you can do together with your husband. Eventually you will find you can forgive yourself and be thankful you had the strength to stop it going any further.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me and this is the last post I'm going to give in this thread. I just want to finish this in case anyone comes behind me in the same situation. I feel awful, I don't know if my marriage will go back to where it was; before this happened I was thinking about how lucky I was that we were so intimate, now I have to hide this for the rest of our marriage. So not worth it but I don't want to hurt him even though he married an idiot. In general I feel okay most of the time, I think it might get better after awhile. I will never do this again and if you are in a happy marriage, even if things are rough (my husband is gone 75 hours a week which may have added to stress) this is so not worth it.
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male
reader, Gmmick +, writes (10 February 2013):
I'm sorry but personally I believe you don't feel much guilt regarding the severity of your actions. You crossed the infidelity line and pouted onto this site seeking a sympathic ear to say it was a minor infraction so you shouldn't ruin your marriage by telling your husband. Well seems you got YOU wanted. How about what YOUR HUSBAND probably wants: devotion? YOU owe it to HIM to know the truth. Let him make his decision regarding his feelings. Then live with the consequences
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone who responded to this, this situation has changed me so much and it's been insane that I can't talk to anyone about it. I keep thinking that I don't have any room to judge people after this, and maybe that's a good thing.1. I cannot tell him, I'm sorry if you disagree with this choice, but to me it ultimately seems selfish even though I know it's the "right" thing to do. We have built so much on this marriage and telling him about this stupid thing I did which I (embarrisingly) barely remember would hurt him so much, I just don't see the point. There is zero chance of this getting back to him, I was on the other side of the country with people I see maybe every 2 years and who never meet my husband. The man knows I thought it was a mistake and hasn't tried to make contact with me, and I haven't told anyone, not even my best friends. Just you guys.2. The best thing I can do is learn from it and move on. I've done some research over the last few days and there must be something about me that caused me to do this. I am definitely a person that always wants to have a good time and usually I don't take it too far, this time I did and I need to make the steps so I never put myself in that situation again. I should have left the moment I realized the guy was flirting with me, but I just kept going and I think that was the real mistake. A few hours and glasses of wine later I could barely stand much less make a judgement call. I didn't take it seriously, I could have ruined everything I care about just because I wanted the attention. It makes me sick to realize that I could be this type of person, but I plan to work on this so it never happens again.
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A
male
reader, goldengate +, writes (7 February 2013):
Do not listen to these people that are telling you not to tell him!
You MUST tell him if you want your marriage to last, no matter how hard you think it will hurt him. You made a mistake, and if he loves you, he will forgive you. People make mistakes. You screwed up, and the least you can do for him and your marriage is tell it to him straight.
You can delete phone calls, emails, etc., but you can't delete a memory. I'm sure if he hasn't already figured it out, he will notice you are acting different, and suspect something is up. The guilt will only continue to eat at you, and you will never be truly happy with yourself and marriage until you tell.
As for his colleague, he should have never made a move on a married woman.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): Do not listen to these people that are telling you not to tell him!You MUST tell him if you want your marriage to last, no matter how hard you think it will hurt him. You made a mistake, and if he loves you, he will forgive you. People make mistakes. You screwed up, and the least you can do for him and your marriage is tell it to him straight.You can delete phone calls, emails, etc., but you can't delete a memory. I'm sure if he hasn't already figured it out, he will notice you are acting different, and suspect something is up. The guilt will only continue to eat at you, and you will never be truly happy with yourself and marriage until you tell. As for his colleague, he should have never made a move on a married woman.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (5 February 2013):
 We all make mistakes, some bigger than others.
The only person that can forgive you in this situation is yourself. Let's look at the facts: You were out of town, you had way too much to drink, and you got carried away and did what a high school girl would do: kiss another guy.
Sure you broke the loyalty to your husband but on a grand scale all you did was kiss him. Your crime is certainly forgivable, but I think the main thing is you make sure it doesn't happen again. If you are a lush while drinking it may be time to look at your drinking habits. Maybe you cannot handle your liquor and it is time to stop drinking all together (I've always felt that nothing good has come from liquor -- only regrets).
Given some time, your guilt will die down. If you feel, however, that there is ANY way your husband could find out you may want to consider telling him now rather than him finding it out on his own. At least that way you can do damage control.
Sadly, there are no quick fixes to your predicament. You either swallow the guilt as part of the price of drinking too much or you admit fault and take your lumps there. The choice is yours.
Eddie
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): Your not a bad person you just made a mistake and you need to move on from it because what is done is done and you can't go back and
change and dwelling on it is pointless and will cause more harm then
good. What you need to do is to know your limits when it comes to
drinking and move on from it.
Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am the OP - It was just kissing and I stopped the second I realized what I was doing. I had way too much to drink and I know that doesn't make it okay, I'm just giving the facts.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 February 2013):
Definitely don't tell him, because then you'll be punishing him and he's done nothing wrong.
The guilt is your punishment and it will go away.
I get the feeling you slept with the guy but don't want to admit it. If that's the case it'll be awhile. If you really just kissed the guy then you need to remind yourself that kissing isn't the end of the world. It's not like you were emotionally straying from your husband or having sex.
Learn your lesson. If this happened once it could happen again under similar circumstances.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2013): I don't think you should tell your husband. Making out with this guy was stupid, but you seem to have learned your lesson from it. I mean you won't do it ever again will you? I don't think you should tell your husband about something that is no threat to the marriage whatsoever, it will only cause him hurt and possibly end your marriage. Please just put this down to experience and try to move on. Everyone has done stupid things but if you learn from them it's not the end of the world. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 February 2013):
 You hubby is a pretty saavy guy...
He gave you tacit, or implied, consent for you to fool around.... and YOU took him up on it - in a manner of speaking - and now, YOU have to live with the guilt...
He's a GENIUS!!!!
I hope you figure out how to reconcile this conundrum... WHICH YOU BROUGHT UPON YOURSELF!!!!!
Good luck....
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