A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok... I've been dating this guy for 2 months pretty heavily basically we would see each other 2-3 times a week and the rest of the days of the week we would have some kind of text whether call or text. I waited about 7 or 8 dates before I had sex with him. I would still see him 2-3 times a week after we had sex and it wasn't always sex he would meet me for a bite to eat meet me for a drink or I would go there and watch a movie without any sex involved so I feel he wasn't using me as his sex toy. Anyway a week ago from today I was leaving for vacation and I let him know I wanted to see him before I left but the night that I was leaving was the night that the gang and I go for drinks and get wild which HE is aware of this. So @ 1130PM (when he gets home from work) as expected he calls to meet up. Well I know this was probably the worst thing to do but I had to much too drink and had asked him to come pick me up cause I couldn't drive. When he picked me up he was very annoyed and questioned how the heck I got so drunk I mean I was alert I remember I could walk but I was severly buzzed. So I said well if you don't like that this is happening alls you have to do is say "Jess I don't like when you get this drunk or so on and so forth his reply to this was we're not in a RELATIONSHIP so I'm not going to tell you what you should and should not do he said this more than once . So I immediately made him stop turn around and take me home. I couldn't understand this since his has devoted so much time and has put in a good amount of effort into spending time calling.... so I was just in shock and then I proceeded to say are you serious I can understand how he was aggravated @ me but yes this was the first time he had encountered me in that state of mind. I had asked him to give me another chance how could he be so cold and say we're not n a relationship. He then replied with "call me when you get home"Well I've been home for 3 days and have not called him. What am I to say if he doesn't want a relationship why should I bother and I'm a little hurt and insulted had he really used me the whole time? I don't feel I was entirely in the wrong I apologized and admitted that I was drunk I wasn't in a drunking stupor falling all over the place. then I think if he got angry with me then he does care.Anybody have any advice on how to handle this situation? Do I just drop it and let it be?
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 i totaly agree with all the aunts you must call this guy and apologise just make sure that you dont take a guilt trip and start to succumb to his demands. i dont know how much you know about this guy. honestly i hate to see a drunk person i have no respect for that person at all i know its wrong to be judgemental and this is because my aunt was an alcoholic and she destroyed her family and everyone she loved so psychologicaly that is what i see whenever i see a person drunk, it hurts me so much that i ask myself how can this person waste him/herself so much?
the point im trying to make is that try to understand what made him snap his background, past experiences etc if there is no such then you will know it was just jealous so at least you will have something to work with. good luck
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 You have only been dating for 2 months, and I would not call that a relationship where each person tells the other person how to behave. It does not mean he doesn't care for you. In fact, I think his disappointment in your drunkenness screams to me that he does have feelings for you. I think he saw a side of you that he did not like. If he didn't care at all, he would not have hated to see you drunk and potentailly hurting yourself. He could have taken advantage of your state but he didn't.
You owe him an apology. Call him and let him know.
-FBK
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): My gf drinks rather heavily when she goes out. It does annoy me a little, but I can get just as drunk, so it seems hypocritical of me. It seems weird that your bloke is so irrational about this, as from you description he seems like a nice caring bloke. I would bring this up with him. Don't attack him, apologise for hurting him, but say that you didnt know youre behavior would affect him like this. I'm not saying you have to change, but by apologising straight off, he has no reason to be mad at you. Then you can talk it out. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (23 May 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
I would call up this guy and tell him what you've written here. Tell him how it made you feel. And be sure to ask why he got so angry - it might just be because he is worried. Maybe he thinks that someone could have taken advantage of you Or maybe he was jealous of you going out and having so much fun with friends. I really don't know. But I do know that it does sound like he actually likes you, so when you call don't be too hard on him. Just try to genuinely find out what his deal is. Also talk about what will happen in the future when it comes to going out with friends, drinking, etc. Set some groundrules or at least tell him what's going to happen.
Remember, though, if he tries to get too controlling after "not being in a relationship" with him, then I would see that as a red flag. You don't want him to demand that you do certain things at this point (of course, compromising would be fine, at least in my opinion).
But call him back! You said you would and you should stay true to your word, especially if you still care about the guy.
Take care.
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