A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think my boyfriend has split up with me, but hasn't told me. I saw him a week ago, when he said he would text me the following day but he didn't. I have thought for a while something was a bit 'off' but thought he would eventually open up as to what the problem was. It crossed my mind that maybe he is cheating on me. He has been ill quite a bit lately which I find worrying, and working too hard in my opinion. He also told me that a friend is dying in hospital. I know this is true because I've met the person in question. This seems so much like the scenario that happened with an ex-boyfriend - his grandfather died and then my ex boyfriend went all distant on me and we broke up. Does something happen to guys that they withdraw/split up with their partners when a loved one dies? I fear the same has happened here. It all seems so out of character for my boyfriend - only months ago he wanted us to move in together now he doesn't even care enough about me to text me in a week. I don't know whether to call him to meet up or just wait until he makes contact because I think I need to end this, get an explanation and some closure. He was the kindest, sweetest, most attentive man I had ever met and thought he was the man I was going to marry. He has been very supportive of me all the while I was out of work when lesser men would have lost patience, and was eager to hear how my job search was going so that we could move in together and then when I told him I had got a job it all changed he didn't seem that excited. I took a lesser paid job with the intention that I could save and move in with him. If I realised he didn't want to be with me any more then I would never have taken that job. I'm just totally shell-shocked. Can anyone, particularly guys, shed some ideas on what you think has happened with him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): I am the original poster of the question. I am reassured in some ways that I am not the only one going through this. I am so sorry you girls have had to go through this as well. I don't know why guys do this. I thought I knew my guy inside out and like the last poster we rarely, if ever, had a cross word between us. I am just really shell-shocked at the moment and haven't told my friends yet what has happened because I still can't believe it myself and feel like I have been made such a fool of. I think I feel especially hurt that my boyfriend obviously felt that, for whatever reason, he couldn't tell me how he felt. I realise that it takes 'two to tango' in every situation so there is obviously something he didn't like in me but just wish he had the honesty and decency to tell me what it was.
A
female
reader, becauseimworthit +, writes (30 November 2008):
Yep, the same thing here, i was with a wonderful guy for 3 years, we never had a cross word in all that time, then things started to slow down and he gradually stopped contacting me by text or email, and i made a fool of myself by texting him asking "are u ok" then feeling really distraught when i got no reply. Its been a month now and since i stopped contacting him, and ive heard nothing from him, in my head ive put everything in a room and closed and locked the door, every time i have a thought about him, i open the door in my mind and put it in so i can try and get on with my life. But no closure, not knowing why is the hardest thing i have had to deal with. Maybe your guy will contact you, it normally takes about 3 weeks before they contact, and sometimes you they just dont. Move on with your life, and try to forget him for now, then one day when you least expect it, you will hear something. Well thats what im hoping for anyway.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): I'm going through the same thing right now. 2 months ago my boyfriend of 1.5 years just disappeared. He didn't call, and wouldn't answer my calls. I called 4 times, left a message, and have heard nothing back. It has broken my heart. I too felt like things were "a bit off" the last couple of weeks we were together. The hardest part is getting past the idea that someone who said he wanted to marry me thinks so little of me that doesn't even feel obligated to verbally break up. He just left me hanging, and I'm sure that's how you feel as well. Since these men don't have the courage or decency to tell us what the situation is, the only thing to do is assume it's over and go on with your life. Men do tend to go into hiding sometimes, and since it's only been a week, you may still hear something from him, but at this point I wouldn't assume that. You will only set yourself up for disappointment if he doesn't call. Believe me, I know - even after 2 months I still think I'm going to hear something from mine, and every time my phone rings and it's not him, my heart sinks. That's what not getting closure does for you. The thing I console myself with the most is that I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone so selfish, and so cowardly. I think people like this don't know how to handle conflict in a relationship, and no matter how good the relationship is, there will always be conflict. Good luck, since you love this man I hope he does call, has a very logical reason for his actions and begs your forgiveness.
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