A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I thought I knew her for 5 years! We were together for that amount of time. She (aged 50) asked me for 5 thousand dollars. I gave it to her. 2 days later she split. Does the timing of the two events sound that she had every intention to 'screw' me when she took the money?!Due to the calls and emails to her to get my money back and ask the reason for her betrayal of trust, she has blocked my email and phone number. I am left with mo option (other than pursuing it legally) but to wait for her to give me the money back in her own time, which she says she will. Is there something I can do without incurring too much legal costs to get the money back on my terms? What do you think of her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Thanks for the input 'eyeswideopen'. There are several angles to every situation and your perspective is indeed a valid one...one that I was thinking about as well.
On a side note, I did consult with a psychic!! What's your take on psychics people?
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Well Buddy you have been taken to the cleaners. And from the sound of it, you are willing for it to happen over and over again for a shred of her attention. Fool me once...etc. How all this gets sorted out is entirely up to you. My only advice is for you to go buy a needle and thread, and sew up those deep pockets.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): I believe she was in excess of 40000.00 in debt in credit cards alone; not counting the mortgage on her home, car , insurance, etc. So 'anonymous female reader' you are very intuitive!
The very last time that I heard from her she said she was a 'lost cause' and calling her was of no use; this was before she blocked my calls, etc. Apparently my response to her taking the money (which I admit was quite harsh) got her back up. I did send her an apology card for my harsh response, which she promptly returned! I can't believe that she now thinks that I was in the wrong (and what she did was right or at least didn't desrve an emotional outburst).
I feel that what she means by she is a 'lost cause' is that she is in another relationship right now. And that, is bothersome, to think that a person (I) could be replaced after 5 years within a month!! It begs the question of whether there was any genuine feelings throughout the relationship.
Also, before she put up her wall, she confessed that she was confused and 'messed up'. Yet, after I responded to her taking the money, which was after she admitted she was messed up, she said she was not being satisfied in the relationship and had every right to terminate it!!
Now I'm really confused, but the bottom line is I think she is a 'lost cause' and that's hard to accept right now. Hopefully time will sort things out, emotionally.
But thanks once again 'female reader'. I'd like to hear more from you. You seem to be on the right track here....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Unless this was an act of genuine desperation on her part - that is, a friend was in real trouble or she was being threatened for debt then perhaps you could understand. Desperate people can do desperate things. Perhaps write to her again and ask that question. however, it is clear she is prepared to throw her relationship out the window for money - can you live with that? Either way you need some answers. I would see if you can communicate with her through a formal route so that she realises you mean what you say. I think she is bluffing about calling the police. Do come back to this website if you need more help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): I looked into the small claims court option and there seems to be a posibility taking that route. Thanks.
I think though, 'unabletofly' is being quite frank. She really took me for all that it was worth!
I tried talking to a debt collection agency, but they want 50% of what they will recover.
But the nerve of the woman is something else. She claims that she reported me to the police for calling her to ask for the money and wanting to find the reason for her behaviour. Ofcourse, I haven't heard from them to date. I never wrote or spoke any intimidating stuff. But what I can say is that when it happened, I gave her a piece of my mind since I felt it was calculated and a total violation of trust.
I think the reason she has blocked my email/phone is that she is quite ashamed of what she has done. But then again, that is just me hoping she feels guilty!!
However, there is a slight dilemma here. Since I knew her (or thought I did) for 5 years, there is still attachment. How do I get rid of that? Is she worth forgiving? Or trying to reason (Idon't know hoe really at this point) with to see if I could salvage a relationship? My head tells me not to be an idiot but my heart tells me something different!
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A
male
reader, unabletofly  +, writes (23 February 2011):
you cant take your money back legally, because there is no contract or no cheating.She wanted money and you gave.thats all.
I think drink a cup of cold water for your money.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): Did you give her the money as a loan or a gift? This is key. I think you have a chance to get your money back if you agreed she would. Here in the UK we have the small claims courts and info services like 'citizens advice' - you may have similar low cost options. She did this on purpose and I hope her conscience gets the better of her - failing that is there a friend or relative of hers you can tell about this? Perhaps they can influence her - or even pay you the money so that you can move on with your life while she pays them back later.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): Prior to this incident, she had taken an additional 6 thousand dollars approximately over the 5 years.Her sexual past was quite dubious but I chose not to take that into consideration when I met her thinking she would change. She even claimed to, in her 30's, pick up teenage boys for sex.The night prior to the day she called to say she would split, I had spent it with her where we planned to go on a vacation! So, the parting was very surprising. Though, in the weeks prior I had got 2 anonymous calls to say that she was cheating with someone else, which she denied. She is a student at one of the universities in Ontario. So, I frequently assisted her with her grocery bills, picked up the tab at mostly all the restaurants; she liked the high end stuff. I even bought her school clothes.About a couple of months after she split my brother passed away and I sent her a memorial card. She was cold enough to send it back!! Even though she was a welcome guest at my family members' homes.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (23 February 2011):
I think it was her plan to do that. And, I don't know laws in your country, but unless you have some paper signed by her or witness of the loan, you will have a hard time trying to get the money back legally.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (23 February 2011):
I don't know much about American law but it doesn't sound like you can do much to get your money back.
As for her screwing you over, she has well and truly done so by the sounds of it.
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