A
male
age
36-40,
*odgeman
writes:I have been goin out with my girlfriend for 11 months now. We have both made it clear what we want from this relationship and how much we love one another, But everytime she says shes goin out drinking with her friends i get paranoid and it leads to an argument. She also talks to other lads, and i worry that she will go off of me.The most recent what has come up is shes goin away to spain with her friends for her 18th. But my girlfriends mates arent all that nice. They are always getting drunk and basically having sex alot.Shes been away before and out drinking and shes never given me doubts shes been up to no good.I am worried about it, but i dont want to tell her i dont want her to go because i will feel im stopping her from doing things. I Don't know if i do have trust issues ?
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male
reader, dodgeman +, writes (6 November 2007):
dodgeman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You for Your words of advice. Im not a talkative person who can say how he feels i find that kind of difficult. But im going to give it a try and hope for the best. And try to overcome these fears etc.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): If she really loves you she wont mess around on you. there is nothing to be worried about.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 You can not control people based on your demands,expectations or fears. If she is not acting out of line you have no reason to stop her form enjoying life. You will scare her away. You do need to set boundaries though so she knows where to put the brakes on.
Let me ask yo a question...If you were out, would you talk to a female? I'm married and I can honestly say I would. If that person finds out your taken and they respect that, what's the problem. You're thinking like a man and worried because you know the other guys are interested in your lady. That is a given but she shouldn't be forced to live like a recluse because of your fears. If she crosses the line that's one thing. IF she respects the relationship, you have to give her her freedom.
IT could blow up in your face, that's true. But it's better to have it blow up than to try and control her. She will resent you and leave anyway.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (4 November 2007):
 Yes, you do have trust issues, and it sounds like you are very insecure.
It's a horrible feeling, but you really have to put yourself in her shoes. She's never given you any reason to doubt her, this must really hurt her, knowing that you feel that way about her. She must go through life constantly feeling that she has done something wrong, when she hasn't. You are going to end up driving her away.
You have to think of the implications of the way you are acting - what if one day she thinks, 'well, he doesn't trust me, so I might as well cheat then? He thinks I'm doing it anyway'? She's happy with you, she's stayed with you even though you doubt her and are insecure which is probably not very easy for her - she loves you quite clearly.
You need to seek help for this - counselling is probably the best option. Speak to your girlfriend - NOT argue - tell her how you feel. Tell her you know you are being irrational, you want to trust her, ask for her co-operation. Maybe when she goes on holiday, arrange certain dates or times that you can call each other. I'm sure her friends are actually lovely, you just resent them because when she is with them, you can't know exactly what she is doing. Because they have sex, you work yourself up that your girlfriend will have a one night stand too.
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