A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I really need advice on something kind of silly. I am 20 year old female, still a virgin, while my boyfriend is a 25 year old guy who has been with (I mean sex) 5 other girls. Our relationship is moving pretty fast, but I am okay with it.My "problem" begins when I start to think about his past. I know, being 25 years old, he has done alot of stuff with other girls but it bothers me so much. I have seen pictures of them, he still talks to them (through email or on the phone) and he talks about them all the time like "my ex did this...". Sometimes I get so depressed/sad/jealous I get physically sick. I know it might sound funny but it makes me so upset and I dont know why. It drives me insane that they have had sex with him and stuff and I am not ready quite yet. This can't be normal and when I bring it up (I dont tell him it makes me upset, he thinks I just get mad), he just says I am being silly. Is anyone else like this or what advice can you give me? Or am I just being silly?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2006): Ok, I have the exact same feelings!! I've been working on them, even going to counselling! Fact is, you don't have a past and he does. That is a fact you need to accept, you don't have to like it but you have to accept it. With that in mind you need to talk to him and say that you are uncomfortable, that you don't understand why he is still in touch with these girls and how he makes you feel when he chats to them. It may take several chats for him tounderstand, because boys just don't get this!!! IT took a good few all night chats for my boyfriend to actually understand what was going on. You need to find out where the jealousy is coming from. The sexual inexperience is only part of it. The jealousy stems from something else and you need to know what that is, no one can tell you. The best thing for you to do is take small steps with your boyfriend on how to deal with this such as limiting his contact with exes and the such. If he cares enough, he'll do it. Other than that, it is seriously one day at a time. One day you'll get over it, but for now its about managing your feelings rather than curing them.
A
female
reader, petal +, writes (11 May 2006):
i got the same thing with my boyf! i wasnt a virgin but i didnt tell him anything about my past because i wouldnt wish the jelousy on anyone. however he told me about all his ex's. he complained about some and said positive stuff about others. it made me so jelous angry upset and frustrated! we have now been togther for over a year nd we are now very close. i asked him why he imformed me about his ex's and he said it was because he was nervous of what i thought of him. he wanted to sound asthough he was alwys in the right and they had always done something to cause the split. but he actualy had low self asteem and wanted to sound cool. if you think about it this guy knows he is gunna be your first time and thats alot of pressure! he will be scared he wont make it gret for you so maybe he is tyin to kid himself he has ll this experience to convince you that how he performs is fantastic! either thats or he is just trying to make you jelous in which case you should get rid of him coz thats just cruel. please make sure he is treating you perfectly before you go the whole way. i kno everyone says it but its true. you dnt want to do it then realise hes a knob! best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): This problem isn't silly at all.
Some people are comfortable talking about their sexual past, and others are not.
Considering you are still a virgin, your boyfriend should really consider that him talking about his sexual conquests are not exactly considerate towards how you may feel.
I think you should tell him that it makes you upset, because he probably don't even realise. Tell him that you react in anger because you are so upset about it.
If he talks about them all the time, and is still in contact with them, I would suggest that he is not ready to be in a relationship with you.
Aside from having a "talk" about each others past, and your thoughts and feelings towards sex and relationships, the way he is talking about it all the time is totally wrong.
I think you should explain to him WHY you are upset and explain that you think it's not right that he keeps talking about his sexual past, nor that he is still in so much contact with them.
Once you have explained how you are really feeling, if he continues, I think it shows that he is not putting your feelings first.
Remind yourself that you are not being silly in the slighest. You are a virgin for a reason and you need to hold on to that and not allow him to make you feel the way you are feeling; there are guys out there who would respect your past and treat you accordingly. Good luck
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