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age
36-40,
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writes: I've been seeing my boyfriend for about 5 months now and we're normally really close. I love him and he loves me. A couple or weeks ago I found some of his msn conversations and it seemed like he was lining up more girls. I asked him about it and he apologised and uninstalled msn straight away. He also said that he didn't mean to talk to these girls the way he did but he was unsure whether I wanted to carry on because lots of things had been said to me by other girls, of course I didn't listen to any of it, it was just the usual oh he's a rat etc I thought if its true then we wouldn't have come this far.However, I have turned into a complete mess now because i'm forever worrying that he's going to do the same again. He's just got this new job as a pt and i get so insecure when he talks about other girls.I really just want to move on and forget this but I cant. This new job keeps getting in the way of everything that we do now and it feels like we never see each other :( Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your answer,I'm slowing my thoughts down so when he talks about a particular girl I just bite my lip and say something different! I'd normally say something like oh i don't want to hear it and then we'd fall out but i'm just trying to keep a cool and it seems to be working! I do think he won't do anything, i guess i just get annoyed when i know the kind of girls that he's talking to which i think is what triggers my anger! Grr! The only way to stop that is to think of a happy memory until i chill out!! lol
thank you so much x
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with you for feeling the way you do, but you have to LET GO of your INSECURITIES if you want this relationship to last.
You have to trust him; if there is no trust you are wasting your time; TRUST is important in a relationship. I understand that you will need time, but I do suggest you make an effort to let "the past be the past".
You have the choice to either not trust him and move on; or try to learn to trust him and deal with your "fear" and insecurity; so what if he does talk about other girls; he is with you by choice; at least he is telling you about them; he is not secretive about them; encourage him to talk and to be honest and open;
BUT
you need to LET GO of your fear of "losing" him; if not you will loose him; your behavior will become clingy and you will make yourself miserable wondering about him all the time.Live life and enjoy the time you do have with him; don't wait or fear for something to go wrong; value the time you have together, make it special and value him.
Either you trust him or you MOVE ON; it is difficult I know, but only you can make that choice.
I suggest you get counseling if you can; it will help you to overcome your insecurities a lot quicker and easier.Not just for the sake of this relationship but to improve yourself and to have a happy future.
Best wishes and keep SMILING.
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