A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am not in a relationship right now but a question has been bugging me since my last boyfriend. Everytime we had sex it's like I tried not to be loud. I guess I was self concious about it. Also I didn't want him to see me pleasuring him. I had to have all the lights out. It's not even that I'm self concious about my body, I was naked around him a lot. When he was pleasuring me, I didn't want him to see my face or hear me and know I liked it. It was embarrassing to me but I don't know why. Is it weird? And I'm curious why I did that and how to change for the next guy. Occasionally I did make noise, but would never let him see my facial expressions. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Well.
That's exactly the same as how I am. Thank god theres someone else out there like me. Ive learned i can fake noises, but as for light. It has to be off, unless were having sex on the beach or in the shower. One thing you can do is start by having a little light, maybe start with candles so you can vaguly see. That always worked for me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of the advice. D-M I think you are exactly right because I do tend to like to be in control. After really thinking about it, I think it was the guy cause it is like he would kind of brag about being good etc and it got on my nerves. I do know guys love to hear it thats why I wanted to figure out how really. I probably just need a guy who isn't obnoxious and egotistical. Thanks again everybody.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (3 May 2008):
 Have you been raised to think that sex is dirty, sinful or that women shouldn't enjoy it?
It sounds like you are ashamed. There isn't any need to, but it is hard to shake our upbringing.
If you been raised this way you have to just keep telling yourself that there is nothing wrong with sex and that enjoying it together is perfectly natural.
For men seeing the woman react is a massive turn-on, not something you wish to hide. But take baby-steps, it is hard to change how you think overnight.
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A
male
reader, D-M  +, writes (3 May 2008):
Sweetheart, all you need is a sock and paper bag... for next time and you'll be alright (only joking).
Seems to me you are normal, but do you like to be in control of yourself generally speaking? It could be that you are not used to being out of control... and you didn't want to let him see that. Maybe you are a little self-conscious becuase you like it too much...
I think you shouldn't worry and just accept yourself. You are normal and there is nothing wrong with a guy seeing you... maybe practice with lights on or use the sock and bag... or maybe see a therapist.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (3 May 2008):
 I'm so sure why you're so concerned about being seen or making noise. Hell, as a guy, I have to tell you... other than having a box seat with blow-by-blow commentary from a sportscaster, your guy is not sure if what he's doing is giving you pleasure or not. Trust me -- it's a complete turn on!
So, my opinion?... yell, kick, scream, get wildly passionate! Cut loose and don't hold back. And don't worry about being too loud... there really is no such thing! Being loud is all a part of the passionate game... and it's great feedback to your lover without him having to stop and ask "was that good?"
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