A
female
age
30-35,
*00dl35
writes:hello!so me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 2 months now. we're close and all so it's all good. but i am so self conscious. like i'm a tom boy i guess. i'm not a girly girl at all and i don't wear girly stuff. it's just not me and i don't want to be like everybody else.but when i'm with my boyfriend and there's girls around i get so upset. it's like they're pretty and girly so why wouldn't a guy want to look at them. and my boyfriend is always trying to make me be more girly but that's not me.. so it's like why wouldn't he want them cuz he obviously wants me to be like that so why wouldn't he want to look at them. but i feel so bad like i feel like nothing when other girls are around. i feel like i'm not good enough for my boyfriend... but it's like why would be be with me if he wants to try and change me.. i am the way i am and no one's going to change that.. i just don't know what to do.. am i wrong to be upset when there is other girls around? or should i just let it go.. cuz i like get all blah and stop talking and he's like what did i do. and i want to tell him this so bad but it's hard.. he tells me i'm beautiful and stuff but i don't believe him cuz he wants me to be girly.. what should i do!!! ahhhh sorry for being long but it kills.. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 July 2008):
Any boy who tells you what to wear should be dumped. I had a boyfriend who emailed me once saying he usually went for more gothy girls so he'd like it if I started dressing more gothily.
I said that was fine and he could take me shopping and pay for corsets which are about 50 quid each.
We split up the next week.
If you are a tomboy then that is great, it means your mind is not sheep like and you'll go much further than these girly girls who'll end up staying the same town and marrying the football team.
Never be with anyone who makes you feel like you should be someone else.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): Sweet Pea, you are who you are, and if your boyfriend dosent accept that, then he needs to find a girly girl. That says nothing about him, that is just what he most truly wants. Don't feel bitter or inadiquit. It is just what he wants.... but there is good news, no I mean GREAT news, there are men (boy's) that love women that are in touch with there natural side. (I like to say that as apposed to "Tom Boy.") I am a natural side woman myself, but am totaly femanine. I have 2 kids and love them with all I have, as well as my husband, and Lord and Savior. Just let this little boy go, until you fine a Man who is willing to accpt you as you are. Best of Luck Love Bug!!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 You are not a tomboy, if you were you wouldn't feel like this.
More likely you are a person who "don't want to be like everybody else." Nothing wrong with that but a tomboy simple wears male clothes because they are easier, you wear them to make a (fashion) statement.
He says your beautiful but also tries to change you? How so? Or is it all in your head because you feel you have to compete with other girls?
At your age conforming to society is extremely important. Why does he want you to change? Because he likes girly girls, then why isn't he with one. Because he feels girls should be girly because all other girls are? Or is it in your head?
You simply have to decide what it is you want most. To be your own person OR to confirm to someone elses wishes. Perhaps a compremise can be reached but ultimate if you boyfriend wants you to change you got to choice. Remain yourself or keep the boyfriend.
As a male I would suggest being yourself but then again, why would I want a boyfriend?
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (31 July 2008):
 You said it! Why would he be with you if he wants to change you? Fact is, you shouldnt compramise who you are to please others. He likes you because you are different. Different girls are rare. Rare can be more desirable. Girly girls tend to be more attatched to material things, whereas down to earth girls are more attatched to a more deeper connection. (in most cases). If you are feeling like you want to try the girly thing more often, maybe add a little tight shirt with your baggy jeans, it might be fun. I was tom boyish too, but found my more feminine side as I got a little older, and started hanging out with down to earth girls that enjoyed being females and embrassed it. My tomboy stage was important for me though, because it made other guys around me feel comfertable with hanging out with me, and I learned a lot about how guys are, act and feel. With that knowlage, I was able to find someone who loved me for who I was, not for the short skirt I could wear. Don't change yourself if you are not comfertable with it, just be yourself.
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A
female
reader, tryin2helpu +, writes (31 July 2008):
 aww it sounds like you want to change for urself and not just him, and i would be amd to if there were other girls around even though it isnt the best idea. it sounds like you have a good boyfriend, and i wouldn't change, you are who you are
3
keep me posted
xoxoxo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): Hello dear, I'm sorry you're feeling inadequate around other women. It is possible many of them are thinking, "wow, look at how self-assured and unpretentious this chick is" about you. : ) If you truly don't want to be girly, don't let anybody change you. I would take a moment (not while at one of these parties, but at home or somewhere comfortable and good for a conversation) to tell my boyfriend I am not going to change my look and I get rather defensive when I perceive his trying to change me. You don't need to mention the other girls unless you notice him paying more attention to other women than you. Keep in mind that ALL of us women get to feeling inadequate around other women. I'm a girly girl, but I"m certainly NOT always "ON" and looking fabulous every moment. I lived with a roomie who was ALWAYS dressed in a miniskirt, full makeup and looked club-ready even for a trip to the grocery store. It made me feel insecure, but after months of feeling this way I realized it was useless. I am naturally pretty, so if I wanted to dress as this chick and pull it off I could...but I don't...so probably I don't want to! So, I just reached a point of acceptance. Think about that, perhaps just accepting yourself and accepting that you can find a man who accepts you COMPLETELY for who you are. If your current fellow can't accept you, move on. But also, accept that feelings of inadequacy are common, will happen again, but will not come back as often if you are gentle and accepting of yourself.
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