A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please please help . I've been with my boyfriend for a year and he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with . He treats me so well , but the thing is he works away and I can't bare it. When he's not hear I feel lonely and when he's out I'm so paranoid that he will find someone else or I get into my head he doesn't care. When we are together its amazing. This is making me ill ,effecting my work and our relationship. He says he don't know how long he can put up with it for . I fear of losing him Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Me and my girlfriend are in a similar way. I’ve never been in a proper relationship before, so when either of use get ideas in our head, we 'talk' it over.
Sadly, I sometimes imagine her cheating or leaving me because, well, it’s easier to imagine going back to a time when I was lonely as opposed to thinking about how great the future can be together, because I’ve never experienced that before.
But it seems you are letting your thoughts control your life. Basing your actions and fears on something imaginary isn’t healthy, and your man can see this and is getting it all which is interfering with his love for you. He wants you, not your paranoia.
I think he’s just tired of having to reassure you time and time again.
If it’s true that he doesn’t care for you, or that he’s cheating on you, fine, go from there, but don’t let you be the cause of that.
A
female
reader, blackishwhite  +, writes (2 October 2010):
It's one thing to have insecurities, but entirely another to push them onto your partner. Everyone has insecurities in a relationship, but the key is trusting. If you don't trust your partner, then it's not a healthy relationship. Your insecurities/paranoia can grow and feed off of things that aren't there.
My suggestion is to be very honest with your boyfriend, but NOT to talk about your specific worries. Deal with the bigger picture first (why do you feel this way). Remember that he's done nothing wrong and neither have you. Your feelings are important, and you have every right to feel however you do. But also know that there's a difference between healthy communication about these feelings and attacking or unloading onto your boyfriend.
Things may seem like they're horrible now, but I know you will be able to sort through this, although the end result may not be what you're hoping for now. I agree with aunt honesty, perhaps seeking professional help is key to overcoming this. And certainly make yourself feel good. When you feel your insecurities coming on, try to do something else to get your mind off of it.
You will be able to deal with these feelings in a healthy way, I know it!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 You ask for the truth so im gunna give it to you sweetie, you are going to lose him am sorry but its true, sometimes people say when it comes to paranoid people it takes them losing someone special to realise that they need to change. Dont let this be you. You need to figure out were your insecurities lie? Did someone cheat on you in the past? or did someone close to you cheat on a parter? Maybe it could be a case of you got bullied when you were younger and now your self confidence is so low you cant be happy. You need to get help for this and fast before you lose your relationship, you need to start thinking positive but most importantly you need to start loving yourself or else nobody else will, start doing things that you like doing at that makes you feel good, something simple like getting our hair done or nails can make us feel wonderful, also sign up to see a councellor about your self confidence issues, they are proffesional people who are confidential and great listerners. Good Luck sweetie.
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