A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel justified in getting feedback online fromMen about my body to get my emotional needs met . I would never meet with one but it makes me feel desired loved and attractive My husband uses porn and says that there's no harm in it as he will never meet them and he is just meeting his sexual needs . My argument was always that they are real women too and it made me feel like his sexual attention was going to them instead of me . He never understood and eventually I made some onOnline profiles where I get lots of nice messages and that meets the emotional needs my husband doesn't of making me feel special and sexy.I know they likely use porn too but they see me as something special and sexy just like my husband sees the women in his porn.So each of us is meeting our needs If he can meet his through porn is there anything wrong with what I'm doing
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2015): The big difference here is that there is almost no chance that your husband is going to meet and have sex with a woman from one of his porn videos.
You however, are on a slippery slope. I'm not saying you would, but it is not inconceivable that some guy REALLY turns you on via your online profile and you end up meeting him.
I can understand how you feel that these are similar activities, but from an outside perspective they are very different!
A
female
reader, celia_a +, writes (4 January 2015):
 That's because it's not the same way. If it were, then you would also just be watching porn.
Ultimately, the only opinion that matters on this subject is that of your husband's. I'm assuming he's unaware?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2015): Yes exactly and when I realised he was watching pirn for exactly the reasons you say ... It's enjoyable exciting and new , it was then that I figured I should also allowed to do something that is exciting enjoyable and new
It seems men are consistently given permission to get 'thrills' that way but the minute a woman looks outside the relationship in the same way she is somehow wrong
And for the record as of the last few months I only post my pictires naked for comment and don't chat at all so there is no relationship . I'm simply feeling desirable and sexy in the same way my husband finds the porn
Women desirable and sexy
In a way I guess I am porn for other men seeing as my
Husband has his porn and this makes me feel sexy
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A
female
reader, celia_a +, writes (4 January 2015):
He's watching porn because it's enjoyable, it's something different and it's exciting.
Do you not also find talking to random men enjoyable, different and exciting?
Is he aware of what you're up to?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2015): Id feel exactly the same as I do about him watching porn .
I am here to meet his sexual needs , why does he need to look at perfect twenty year olds bodies to get off . If he needs to martyr are he had an imagination just like me
I never deny him sexual satisfaction yet he denies me emotional support so what is wrong with me getting that elsewhere and meeting my needs just as he does . Just because a woman's needs many be different to a mans that does not make them wrong
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2015): You're probably making things worse, not better. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Him watching porn has less of a direct impact on people than what you're doing. One can get the same fix watching a porn star who's long dead or even generated by CGI, because it's all about an idealized fantasy image.
But in your case, you are interacting with real men and impacting their lives. Doubtless some of them have wives and girlfriends. How would you feel if your husband starting sexting with and exposing himself to real women online? Or simply talked to them, getting his emotional needs met, without you?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (27 December 2014):
 He's using strangers on the internet to satisfy his hunger, so he shouldn't condemn you too harshly for doing the same thing, though he does have a point.
By watching porn he isn't interacting with the women who satisfy him, whereas you ARE interacting with the men who satisfy you. Your husband doesn't have their contact information, he isn't getting to know them better and is far less likely to be tempted into meeting them, even 'just for coffee'.
You're both in the pool, so it's a bit silly for one to accuse the other of being more wet.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (27 December 2014):
Dear OP,
You both need the internet to get what you need. Is this relationship really what you want? Because it sounds like you two are totally frustrated and the computer screen is your only comfort.
I think there's a lot wrong with what you're doing and I would find it even more upsetting than what he's doing.
But in the end, I don't want to judge either of you, you both sound unhappy and you should do something about it before either of you starts to cheat in real life.
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