A
female
age
36-40,
*mccall
writes:I have been hanging out with this guy for about three months, we met through a mutual friend at a party and sparks flew in a way i've never experienced before. He asked for my number and actually called me the next day, we began to hang out fairly frequently, going to movies, going out to eat (he actually cooked me dinner as well) and getting drinks. The first month of dating I was guarded and a bit reserved with him, we're both seniors in college and he is a frat boy, but after I got a feel for him I loosened up and started to feel comfortable with him. After about three weeks of dating we slept together and continued to after that, our relationship progressed on a normal level, he would call often and we would hang out about two to three times a week. Then, out of nowhere he went back to his hometown for a weekend and failed to contact me after he returned (like he said he would) and I didn't hear from him the next week. The week after he did call and we hung out again, it was like we were never apart, it was fun and easy-going and when we said goodbye he said he would call. Alas, another week goes by and no phone call, and when he does call it's not on the weekends like it used to be it's maybe on a Tuesday night, really random. While his calls became less frequent, I met and started dating another guy whom I was much less interested in but very nice nevertheless. The first guy didn't call me for about a week and a half to hang out and when he did I agreed to see him but after we had hung out I explained to him that I really didn't think it was going in the serious direction and that while I still enjoyed his company maybe we should explore a friends with benefits relationship (I consider myself a pretty easy-going free-spirited girl so i had no real problem with it). He said that was fine even thought he expressed that he really liked me and thought it could go somewhere, although he said this i feel like his actions were telling me he wasn't really interested enough to potentially have a serious relationship with me. So I continued to see guy number two and sporadically hung out with guy number one. Now, just recently like these past two weeks i've hung out with guy number one twice, and since we are on a "friends with benefits" level he has called me like after ten o'clock at night we hang out for awhile, hook-up, and talk/ fall asleep together. It was during these last two hang outs that I realized just how much I enjoy his company and think i am falling for him, we laugh and talk for hours and have a lot in common, we poke fun at each other and having a fun-loving relationship. The last time we hung out which was last tuesday he pointed out all that we have in common and "reasons that we could work out," he told me i make him laugh and he loves how feisty i am, he asked if it was ok to admit that he really likes me, he knows im still dating the other guy and asked if thats what i really want. Basically everything that happened that night indicated that he wanted more than a friends with benefits thing, unfortunately he hasn't called me since, it's the weekend and i still haven't heard from him....I'm just wondering what i should do, what does it mean? is he using me or am i overreacting? keep in mind i DO NOT contact him, i believe a guy should pursue the girl, is his not calling an indication that i'm really not that important to him? blaah i need advice thats objective
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friend with benefits, hasn't called, mixed messages, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (9 December 2007):
 I have to agree with the male responder. You're the one who put the brakes on the relationship and I understand completely why you did. It is possible that when he went home he met up with an old girlfriend or saw her or had thoughts about her. Maybe he got committment phobia. Happens.
Anyway, it seems to me that if you want this relationship to work out that you need to give him a chance and let him know "ok, let's give it a go."
No harm in losing nice guy number 2 because in the end you really want sparks with the one you end up with. It's really no fun without the sparks.
I think the no girl calling works in the beginning but if you really want to have a relationship with the guy you need to contribute too.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): I have to admit that i was slightly confused all the way through your question until i reached a startling revelation right at the end. The fact that you do not contact him, all i can say is that guys have feelings too. If you do spend this amazing time together, do u not think he wonders why you dont call or text him? i would certainly consider changing your attitude towards the contacting him business, lest you end up giving HIM the impression that YOU aren't interested.Hope all ends well for you
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