A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem and I do feel broken by it. When I have sex with my fiance, I never had an orgasism. I know I can get off by myself, but not with him. To make me feel a little worse, we are done once he gets off. I have faked some just to make him not worry, also because its real awkward and hard to talk about it to him. Now, when he's sometimes in the mood, I'm not at all, and I get embarrassed. I even felt not good enough, simply because of this. I need help, is there something wrong with me?
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 January 2014):
 First things first, you've got to stop faking. You are only hurting yourself because when he thinks he can get you off, why would he have any reason to keep going and try to actually get you off?
Secondly, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are completely and totally and 100% normal. Only about a quarter of women can orgasm from sex. The rest, 75% of women, need something else. You can get yourself off, so bring that into sex. Teach him to do whatever it is you do on your own to you. Or touch yourself during sex.
In order to bring it up, try to frame it as a positive, like the previous poster said. Say things like "I would really love if you did ____" or something along those lines. Sex is about both of you, not just him. It's really important that you both feel satisfied.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (12 January 2014):
 Can you pinpoint why you feel inadequate? You are doing absolutely nothing wrong at all, and are in no way at fault for anything. In fact, your fiance is being a very selfish lover by simply stopping just because he got off.
I think you need to communicate with him. But in very delicate terms. Otherwise, you will not want to have sex- which is already the case now- and will only get worse and worse with time, and cause a very large divide in your relationship. You will be resentful and angry that he has never gotten you off and he will feel neglected physically.
Try telling him that you love it when he goes down on you, or if he uses his hand, it makes you get off really great. And could he do that sometimes?- Make a point to get you off that way alone? And while he's doing it, give him gentle pointers, coaxing him in the right direction of what you need. After all, you said you know how to get yourself off. So you would know how to coach him.
Anyway, I hope this helps. Good luck. And don't feel at all bad. This is very common. And nothing to feel bad about.
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