A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:HiI've been with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months. Our relationship is good and I'm happy with him.. but I dont seem to stop getting mad over tiny things, or sometimes i get mad at something and he thinks its dumb or that i shouldn't be getting mad at. Example: today I was editing something on his phone and the emoji's showed up, he had different colored hearts that I had never received, it made me upset and he called me crazy, and that it was dumb then tonight I brought it up again because i was still upset and he overreacted so much, he said i was being controlling and that he cant do anythingsometimes i dont know whether i am the problem or him or both. He does make me very happy and i love him a lot and i dont want our relationship to end. If i really do get mad over tiny things how can I be able to fix it? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2019): For the sake of those who can’t imagine how emojis could be a cause of frustration, I THINK what the OP meant was that her boyfriend has heart emojis under “recently used”. Since he never sent them to her, he must be sending them to someone else.OP, I don’t think it’s fair to get upset over this. Sending heart emojis to other people (probably friends or family) does not mean he’s up to no good. My partner and I send emojis to each other ALOT (like 100 per day). Sometimes I send heart emojis to other people if I think it’s appropriate. I don’t send different coloured hearts to my gf because red is the colour of love, so I only send her red heart emojis. That’s just my personal choice. Even if your bf is sending red heart emojis to friends/family, it’s not fair for you to get upset with him about it. If that’s part of who he is as a friend to others, then it’s your job as his gf to embrace that. If he is loving and caring to you, then it makes sense that he is loving and caring to his friends and family.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (20 February 2019):
 Maybe we need another example.
An appropriate reaction in this case is, Oh look at this cute emoji. You have never sent this one to me. Did you know it was here?
Then if he calls you dumb or crazy, (and only then) you cold be reasonably angry enough at him to bring it up later. It would sound something like this. I feel hurt when you say I'm crazy or dumb. I wish you hadn't sad those things today.
It's OK to be angry about abusive language. It is very much a little thing to be angry over which emoji he chooses. Some times things like that get fumbled up in communicating emotions.
Chi and Honey are right that it is silly to be upset over emoji's. WiseOwl is giving you a very correct view on the troubles of Anger.
If you really did start 2 fights over an unused emoji, then there is a pretty good chance your boyfriend is right. Rude about it but essentially right.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2019): Wow. You are creating problems out of nothing. Do you crave drama? Why would you behave in this way over something so silly? If you continue overreacting, you will find yourself single.If I was him I'd end things as this behaviour will only get worse.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2019): Don't worry we are all a little like that. He shouldn't be bothered when you are angry on little things and you shouldn't worry when he is bothered and learn to keep your anger inside you. Since you are asking this question, it means you know the problem so all you need is correct it. You both should be more tolerant. That is not a big deal.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 February 2019):
 I dont understand what you are trying to say. Different coloured hearts showed up and then you got mad because he never sent you different coloured hearts? Or that he never sends you hearts? Have you previously requested that he sends you differently coloured hearts and he's denied being able to?
I just dont see what you got mad about, maybe you skipped that part. Or maybe you hate different coloured hearts and got upset by the mere sight of them?
Im sorry, I sincerely dont understand what you got angry over, because you didn't explain it well. So Im guessing here that you got angry because you wanted him to send you those hearts, and he never did. Im also guessing you never told him you want him to send you those hearts. Im also guessing, due to Your age and lack of experience in dating/relationships, that you don't get it yet: you can't, and should not try to, MAKE people do things when they dont do them on their own.
It's called relationship immaturity. It's fine to say, for example: Sweetie, I think it's really cute if you send me messages/hearts when you think of me.
And then shut up about it. You stated your desire, and he knows. Then if he doesnt have the habit of messaging, or it's just not his style and he doesnt do it, then you need to accept that this is the kind of man you are in a relationship with. And if lovey dovey texts with hearts in them is THAT important to you, then you need to END the relationship and start dating a man who loves sending hearts in texts to you.
Relationships are not complicated and they are not about a tug-o-war. Stop trying to think you have any right to demand things. You don't. If he's not the type of boyfriend you want, then the answer is that you need to END the relationship. Trying to change him as a person is never the answer. And it never works. It's also manipulative and cruel.
But you're new to this, you're only 18-21, and when I was Your age I was immature as well and had stupid arguments and thought I needed to change a man. It takes a few relationships and some years of experience to reach relationship maturity. Im still not done maturing (you never are), but at least I can look at your post and recognize that this type of argument is based on immaturity and nothing else. I stopped having arguments like this years ago, after realizing that you need to take what you get and shut up about the rest, and if what you get isn't enough, you need to put on your big girl pants and walk away. And that's all there is to it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2019): Typo correction:
"He'll realize anger in people is a red-flag, and it is best to avoid it."
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2019): It's not dumb, it's immature. You're getting angry over little things; because tantrums got you what you wanted when you were a little girl. Old habits die hard.
Being touchy or moody gets old very quickly. It's being spoiled. He has tolerated this over the span of just over a year. You're fortunate that he has patience; but you're starting to take advantage of his willingness to overlook your bad behavior. You're also testing him to see how much you can get away with; or if he'll go out of his way to calm you down.
I'll put it in a nutshell for you. You're pushing it. Get a grip, girlfriend!
You need to practice self-control and stop using your temper to shake people up. It's an emotional-mechanism you've developed to intimidate; or to make people feel guilty. They'll want to appease or please you; by giving-in to make you calm down, or letting you have your way to keep the peace.
You take a little thing and blow it out of proportion to get attention; and he apparently fusses over you to stop you from being mad a him. It's how you maintain your control over the relationship; by keeping him busy at trying not to piss you off. Molding him into a whipped-wuss.
This kind of manipulation can evolve into something bad; if you keep nurturing it. Fussing over small things and keeping tension in your relationship is eroding it little by little.
Overreacting may cause a little drama; so you can be the center of attention, but nicer girls will start to become more and more attractive. High-maintenance isn't a desirable trait in a girlfriend. Temper-tantrums are adorable in a 2 year-old, but not at your age.
Oh, it's not because you can't help it. You don't want to stop; because it's too effective in getting your way!
Think before you speak and react. You're not a child anymore. Take a very deep breath. Hold your breath for a few, and exhale very slowly to regain composure. Sort matters out in your mind before going-off. You don't think things through; you just get angry! That's an unpleasant personality-trait. As he grows more mature, he'll become less tolerant of it. He'll realize anger in people is red-flag, and it is best to avoid it.
Calling you names is unacceptable; but it could mean he's running out of patience with your temper. He didn't mean it in a malicious way; but you are playing on his last nerve.
That often comes just before a breakup. Maybe that fact will make you choose your battles a little wiser.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 February 2019):
 Maybe learn to count to 10 (or 20) before you let that anger out of your mouth.
Don't you think it's a TAD - well HUGELY ridiculous to get mad over a freaking emoji? I mean WHAT the EVER F!
So what if he PREFERS to use ONE or TWO heart emoji but his phone has 20?! WHO the F cares?
Does he TREAT you right? Is he good to you? Do you share things in common, interest, thoughts of the future, hopes, dreams and what not?
If the answer to those questions is YES, then you NEED to WORK on yourself here. HE can't fix you overreacting to little things that REALLLLLLLY don't matter in life. Trust me, an Emoji or what color it is..... is probably one of the least important things in life.
Stop and think when you find something annoying, count to 10-10 and while you count think - IS this really a big deal or am I being an insecure drama queen of nothing?
You know if you keep this up, at some point he will say: "I've had enough". and you will ONLY have yourself to blame for that.
Want to know something? I don't EVER use emojis. EVER. I'm a GROWN ASS WOMAN who can USE words. I don't need little pictures to express what I think, feel or want to say.
Stop and think. BE in control of your words and your actions.
Time to grow up.
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