A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My bf and i have been together about 3 yrs, we live together, at the start of the year i found some text on his phone and emails on his pc to another girl, it sounded like he liked her and possible could have been having an affair with her. he had been to her home during times i did not know, he kept her a secret, he said to her in emails taht he though she ws hot and said alot of other flirty things, ther was even in one email taht said "dont worry now you have a bf ill keep that stuff a secret, just to myself" i beleive he was sleping with her but he totally denies it, anyway we had a massive fight and i pretty much told me he can't have contact with her anymore. 8 months later and i have seen that she is now back on msn messenger list and her phone number is in his mobile, i ahve also noticed that he only uses the net when im not home, and he deleted recent messages and erases his call register on his phone alot, im worried his on contact with her again, i dont know what to do, any time i get a bad feeling about someting i do try and talk to him yet he gets defensive, please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): defensive usually = lies. otherwise he'd have no reason to be getting defensive. of course, i can't say for sure what's going on, but that's my take on why people usually react defensively. plus, if this girl was such a problem in your relationship in the first place, then he really shouldn't be in contact with her anymore. unless they were really close friends to begin with. but either way, out of respect for you, he should take her off msn or remove her from his phone. because it's obviously hurting you and the relationship. in my opinion, if you think he's going behind your back, then odds are, your instinct is right. i'd follow that and be assertive. don't let his defensive tendencies turn you away from talking to him or asking him what's going on. because you deserve to know the truth.
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