A
female
age
36-40,
*milingtear88
writes:I'm single and fell in love with a married guy. He is 10 years older than me. His wife was pregnant and got a baby daughter on my b'day. I gave my virginity to him, but after he got his wife back in his bed. He started acting weird, like ignoring and not ready to listen to my talks.We have been fighting for last 1 and half months and he is asking me to turn to into his best friend and help him to go back to his wife. BUT what about my virginity? He had promised me that he wont leave me ever in my life, and now he is all about leaving.How should i get over him? I lost everything and i feel used. How should i take revenge from him?
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best friend, fell in love, revenge Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): Love is sumthing over which no one has ny control..I really understand your pain sweetheart... plz dun worry.just cool down.. take a deep breathe n think .. you know if a person does sumthing bad to sum1 then he really pays for it afterwards.. you might not be able to punish him as nicely as God can.. just leave it to God.. wereever he might be he can never hide from God.. God will know even if he goes in the darkest Dungeon.. N other thing if he wants to b frnds wid you.. then plz dun be..bcoz again hes trying to use you..trying to make you his time pass.. but wait.. just call him once n hurt him as much as you can but dont dont dont disrespect him.. say everything but dont disobey him..(ths will hurt him a lot you see) i think you must b knowing his weak points n over wat all things he get angry.. Example-just tell him tht you've found sum1 who loves you so much.. always talks abt you.. care abt you.. he really cant see you in pain n blah blah..You know he did love you n for tht reason he surely will be jealous n hurt..n after tht call, never turn up to him.. (Never tell him tht you really want him bak.. tel him you are really happy in your life)Sweetheart plz dun worry.. watever was to happen,has happened.. n we cant do nything in tht.. just forget everything watever happened.. he can never be happy in his life as he has hurted such a sweetheart..Plz take a lesson n dun ever trust nybody.. coz you know men are Dogz n their mentality can never b changed.. whether it is ny country's man,the mentality remains the same..If ny1 tries to get close to you or behaves very nicely to you.. dun let him b in your life.. just be frnds wid him n nothing more..If you realy wanna get into a relationship again thts really good.. 1st thing plz dun trust him(even if you noth get into a relationship thn too dont trust him n maintain a distance wid him).. n dun give him everything he wants ... just tell him tht if he really loves you then he need to wait until you both get married.. dun let ny1 take advantage of your innocence ths time..Your FriendRashiWenever you need me plz let me know.. i'll always be there ..
A
female
reader, lovelyty3 +, writes (11 February 2011):
 whoo child... first of all that man is your rapist. you were 16 years old and he was 10 years older than you he had to been like 26. you could have taken him to court if you really wanted revenge. Now it may be to late. Not only is he a rapist but he iresponsibly put your life in danger of getting an std.My friend you were a real victim of 26 year old rapist. it is against the law to have sex with a 16 year old girl. its statutory rape actually if you really want to be technical about it. he made a very bad mistake. he will always be lower than you because he was the adult in your stituation. you would have gotten more than revenge you would have gotten peace of mind for his crimanal like behavior. God bless you
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A
male
reader, rb  +, writes (12 December 2010):
Here is a story that is worse than yours. My girlfriend was approached by a guy in a restaurant when she was 19 (about 5 years ago)the guy courted her and a few weeks later she went to his place and she let him take her virginity which was very painful for her as he was pretty aggressive and she bled a lot. She did not become pregnant as a friend had given her a morning after pill previously.
A month goes by and she does not hear from him, she eventually finds out he has a fiancee so that was the end of it.
She was devastated. This asshole lied to her just so he could get her virginity. She decided she did not want any trouble and did not tell his wife-to-be. The guy now has kids.
She might have committed suicide over this and men like this don't give a damn. His past I am sure will remain a secret to his family.
My gf did say that if she was the ruler of the land she would have the guy put in jail though, but she refused to do anything as a common young woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): My husband of 10 years recently confessed to me that he cheated on me with a 21 year old virgin about 8 years ago. He also confessed to me that he had told the virgin that he was going to leave me, but never had any intention of doing so. The emotional pain I feel is unbearable. I love him enough to forgive him, but I have no sympathy for her....she was well aware that he was a married man and a father and still CHOSE to sleep with him. So, getting revenge is really not the answer, consider the wife's feelings and how you would feel if you were in her position.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 The US is a litigation rich country .
You can sue him for losing your virginity and false misrepresentations.
If he is not rich, then you better forget about this action.
If you want to get over him quickly,
the fastest way is to tell God and let Him be the judge ,'For vengeance is His.'
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 Darling he has used you for his own gratification. GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON!!!!! BTW GROW UP!!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I agree with the critism.
It sounds like you knew what kind of guy he probably was, you chose to be taken advantage by him anyway, and now you're crying that you got take advantage of.
I'm not defending him, but I think there's enough blame to go around here. He's a dog but I think you did some lying to yourself to help him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Hey,
I lost my virginity to a guy that I had been seeing for over a month. I didnt like him that much, but he was good looking and I really wanted to get it over with. When I finally did it, it didnt go so well for him and I think he was embarassed and never called me back. I was really uspet and went to his house and basically railed on him, like wtf?!? how could you never call me again?
At first I just felt betrayed. After I got my "revenge", I felt betrayed AND stupid.
It might be hard for you to let it go now since you're right in the middle of it, but believe me, you'll get over it. And the first time you have sex, is not that good anyway. You're not upset you're losing a lover or someone you care about, you're upset on principal.
Go out and find yourself a new boyfriend. Make sure he likes you and like him. The sex between two committed people and two people that want a piece of ass is seriously A WORLD of difference. IT'll be so good you'll never think about this cheating prick again.
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 Hello there,
revenge not the answer here, think of his wife and the little baby, they are the innocent parties in all this and its better you just walk away and let them sort out any problems that will arise in their marriage. i know you love him and hurting at the moment, but at the end of the day, his is married and he has a child now. Just turn your back and walk away
In time, you will no longer think about this guy, he is not worth thinking about, there are to many people out there both male and female who are willing to say and do things just to get people to do what they want, but not everyone is like this.
Going forward, stay away from guys who are attached and go for men who are available and can give you the respect and attention that you deserve. Getting involved with people who are married/attached will only end in heartache as you have experience, no matter how you believe things will work out, they dont.
You need to put it down as a big mistake, i am sorry you are feeling very down and he took your virginity from you, but its not the end of the world.
Put it all down to a lesson learnt, enjoy youself and take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I would be very angry too in your shoes, but revenge would only make you feel worse. If the man wants to return to his wife, there is nothing much you can do as he has made his choice. My advice would be to cut off altogether from him, so that you can get over him, and talk to friends and family if you think they can help you emotionally.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 You lost your virginity, which you appear to value greatly. The problem is, you didn't value it greatly enough. You gave it away just like that to a smooth-talking married man who bought you lunch and made you some easy promises. Well, that's a pity, but it's not the end of the world.
You may have lost your virginity, but you've gained something precious in return. It's called "wisdom". Yes, there are calculating people in the world who'll misuse others just like this. You need to watch out for them. You've also learned not to go with married men and to think of their wife before you go sleeping with them. These are all valuable lessons.
Don't go and spoil what you've learned by engaging in something as petty as "revenge". I know you feel used. It happens to a lot of us and it's not a nice feeling. Just be careful to look out for yourself next time, OK? And by the way, virginity is a much over-valued commodity. Losing your virginity is a kind of "operation" to initiate you into the world of sexual intercourse. It's something that everyone goes through, and it's not always in a romantic or ideal kind of way. Hell, some people consider it a nuisance and just want to get rid of it; they don't care who they give it to! As long as this guy was considerate and gentle when he did the deed, you haven't been too badly done by.
At any rate, you've done the deed now. Go out as a woman, not a little girl, and enjoy your life in a spirit of generosity, not of spite. And just remember: keep your eyes wide open in future, but don't let this guy sour you to the good people in the world.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Sorry, you've already hurt his wife once. Now you want to hurt her even more. Sorry I can't help you there. I'm not a nasty person, I don't like to hurt other people, even if they've hurt me.
Your still young, move on and let it go........
Boy, you know what, that guy was lucky to escape your clutches. You are one nasty peice of work. You love him better than his wife. I don't think you know the meaning of the word.
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A
female
reader, smilingtear88 +, writes (16 May 2008):
smilingtear88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, he was the one who came and said i love u. and in starting i didnt want to get close to him. but gradually he started taking gud care of me and made em feel special.he used ot come meet em everyday and give me lunch. and when he came ot knwo i was virgin he started saying he is not comfortable with me and if i dnt trust him in sleeping with me i should b there and i grew blind in his love and all i wanted was to let things go the way its going and as he took my virginity his wife slept with him after 4 days and on 5th day he came on mornign and started explaing how he had sex and he didnt even say i love u nothing and jst started and i came to knwo that very moment that things r changing and earlier he used to tell he cant live without me and his daughter and today he wants ta take me for granted. i m shocked can ppl really changea dn misuse eachother like this? how can ppl b this mean and heartless. i feel misused. he should feel happy that inspite of me knowing he si married i loved him more than his wife and gave him eveyrhting. he asked me and i gave it. but he wont value.I want a revenge from him.He took my life as piece of crap and i cant handle it. got to do soemhtign to make my heart feel satisfaction. help me pllzzz. i beg u guys.
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A
female
reader, smilingtear88 +, writes (16 May 2008):
smilingtear88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, i wasnt going to get too close to him. the momnet he came to know that i m virgin he came for me. and when i told him i cant sleep wiht u he told i m not comfortable wiht u. and soem how i feel in love so blind that i was all about making him feel comfortable and b4 sex he had told me i'l always value ur this gift to me and i'l never leave u or i wont change. and everything went viceversa. he is all what he had told me he wont be
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A
female
reader, smilingtear88 +, writes (16 May 2008):
smilingtear88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, i wasnt going to get too close to him. the momnet he came to know that i m virgin he came for me. and when i told him i cant sleep wiht u he told i m not comfortable wiht u. and soem how i feel in love so blind that i was all about making him feel comfortable and b4 sex he had told me i'l always value ur this gift to me and i'l never leave u or i wont change. and everything went viceversa. he is all what he had told me he wont be
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 May 2008):
 Huh? You will not like my take on this, but let's clarify the issues as you explained it . . .
You knowingly and willingly agreed to a sexual relationship with a married man, and now you think that you should exact some kind of "revenge" because, in the process of screwing this married man, he popped your precious cherry. Now, you think that you have somehow been wronged - is that right?
Duh!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 May 2008):
 Living well is the best revenge.
George Herbert
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): You want revenge then live well, be happy and get on with life.
You made the choice to get involved with a married man. Your choice. He may have lied but he did not force you. You did not care about how his wife was feeling, you did not care that he had abandoned her when she was pregnant.
You made the choice and now he realises how stupid he has been and has decided to go back to his wife and child and act his age, you feel angry and bitter. You gave him your virginity, was this in the hope that he would stay with you.
This is what happens when you try to break up a marriage. Chalk it down to experience, move on, stay away from men who are already with someone, and hope and pray that no one ever treats you as carelessly as you have treated his wife and child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): You want revenge then live well, be happy and get on with life.
You made the choice to get involved with a married man. Your choice. He may have lied but he did not force you. You did not care about how his wife was feeling, you did not care that he had abandoned her when she was pregnant.
You made the choice and now he realises how stupid he has been and has decided to go back to his wife and child and act his age, you feel angry and bitter. You gave him your virginity, was this in the hope that he would stay with you.
This is what happens when you try to break up a marriage. Chalk it down to experience, move on, stay away from men who are already with someone, and hope and pray that no one ever treats you as carelessly as you have treated his wife and child.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (16 May 2008):
 Hi,
I feel sorry for you that he treated you this way.
But you should use this as a life lesson. You are 18 now and are living in a grown up world, its no longer the petty stuff at school its stuff you have to handle yourself.
What did you honestly expect from this man, that he would leave his pregnant wife for a young piece of ass? The sooner you realise that in his eyes that is all you were the easier it will be for you to avoid men like this in the future.
But you have to change yourself, you willingly had sex with a man who has a pregnant partner, people are going to find it hard to offer you too much sympathy as they will see this for what it is : a selfish young girl only thinking about herself. Well you have paid the price, but by all means if you want revenge , tell his partner , this rat deserves it - though the innocent partner doesnt. If you can see at some stage in the future that the only person really being hurt here is the pregnant wife , there may be hope for you yet.
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