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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Recently a very strong (so I thought) relationship was ended that I was in. My girlfriend broke up with me. What happened is that, well, on Monday (Jan.1) she broke up with me because this guy she met for one night and "was told alot about" she started liking. So, the next day at school, as much as I tried to hide in my upsetness and depression, she noticed. So, the next day she gave me a letter asking for a second chance. So I did, so for about 3 days we were going out. But on Saturday, she ended it again. On Saturday, she said it had nothing to do with anyone, including the kid that she was having feelings for the other day. She told me that "the spark isn't there anymore". In our relationship, we exchanged love notes back and forth, about 40 pages in love letters. In them, we would say alot of stuff, she would say how much she can't wait till we're married, that we're soulmates, that we'll be together forever, that I am perfect, that no one else means anything to her, that she always wants me as happpy as can be, and I would write her back with the same stuff. But, I wasn't the first one to write about the future, she was. So, I believed it like an idiot (Im only 14 years old, she's about to turn 15, and I believed it would last forever), but I really did feel like this relationship would last forever. She made me feel it, she said it so many times to the point I believed we'd be together forever. I even spent all my money on a promise ring. She accepted it, and accepted it when I gave her the 2nd chance even. And, now, after saying all that stuff, after I treated her with everything I could, she dumps me, and she said it had nothing to do with anyone, but now she's going out with the kid she had feelings for (and we've only been split since this Saturday). When she wrote to me asking for a second chance, she also said she made the hugest mistake of her life, that we are soulmates, that this time she won't hurt me in anyway, that she wants to and will be with me forever, so I believed her like the idiot I am. Then, on Saturday she tells me she only wrote that 70% because she felt bad. She told me all the times she said we'll be together forever she only "thought" it. Before we went out, we were best friends, so when I agreed to go out with her, i asked her to promise me if anything were to happen, we would still stay best friends. She brought that up to me on Saturday, so I agreed also to stay best friends. But now I don't want to for what she did, for all the lies. She told me she'd do anything for me (except go out with me), that she always wants me happy, that if I go she goes, that she will still always love me, that she'd do anything to comfort me and make me happy. We were both crying over the whole thing, I thought she really meant everything. But now, she lied to me, she's going out with that kid after we been split only since Saturday. After fucking with my love and me, after believing in her lies, after I treated her the best I could, after me wanting her happy much over myself, after treating her like a princess, it turns out she was fake. So my question, should I/do I have a right to be mad at her, and not be her friend again. And do you think I should believe her when she told me she's so sorry and that she still cares so much for me, and the stuff she said on the phone she meant (excluding the reason she broke up with me, I know that was a lie) or do you think she's being fake again? And what do you think I should do/think to get over this? I never felt this upset/angry/depressed in my whole life and I'm starting to gain hatred on her, but I honestly don't want to. Thanks alot for the help. P.S- please don't go on how I shouldn't of believed a relationship at my age would last forever. I know that already, and it'll probobly just make me feel worse if it's reminded to me.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 okay i wont say it but u are young, everyone has their first love and believe everything they are told.. i remember my first love and i believed him when he said i was his world we were ment for each other and so on..i was a dedicated partner to him so no default on mybehalf, i split with him for many reasons, mostly that he tried to mind control me and that due to that i fell out of love with him.. she may have felt those things for you and ment them at the time..but yes you do have a right to be mad angry or upset with her, wether she is telling lies or truth only she knows the answer..me and my ex said we would always be friends but after what he did no he doesnt have the right for it..and i dont think she does either in my opinion.. i f i were you i would forget her and move on so much of life for you to see and enjoy dont let her hold you back.. the way youre feeling is an after effect of what has happened give it time to heal men the broken heart as they say.. go and have fun with youre other friends dont try to ignore it but simply put it and her in the past as now where it belongs.. try and learn from each relationship you have, ure young and have plenty of time for friends and a gf so try and be happy hun hope this helps xxxx
A
female
reader, Angelgirl77 +, writes (9 January 2007):
Hey there.
You have every right to be upset, and hurt and angry. You gave someone your love and they took it for granted. I'm sure there is a part of her that will always love you and she may just be confused right now. The best thing for you to do is to hold your head up high and move on. Sometimes people need to miss you to realise what they have lost. You have told her how you feel and there is nothing more you can do. Tell her once more if you need to then walk away. I know you may want to still have her in your life but at the moment you can't be her friend cause you want more and you will not be able to be happy or move on if you stay friends.
I know it's an old adage but if you love something set it free, if it comes back its meant to be. The best thing you can do is work on you and being happy and let her miss you. If you keep hanging around as a friend she will never appreciate you or miss you. She'll only have the benefit of you without the commitment.
I went through the same thing with my first love and he jerlked me around for 6 years. I will never get that time back and am now with someone that makes me truly happy.
If it's meant to be it will happen. Trust in yourself and all that you are. You desserve someone that loves you and wants you. Not someone that will lie and cheat to you.
All the best
Angelgirl77
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