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female
,
anonymous
writes: hello can anyone help i found texts on my husbands mobile a while back and they didnt seem very inocent, anyway after talking to him he tells me that nothin ever went on, i allso talked to the person who he sent the texts to and she also said it was nothin is was just a joke. i packed my bags and was ready to leave my husband begged me not to leave promising me that nothin ever happend. you see we are muslim and having an affair is totaly forbidin. and after must begging and crying for days i decided to believe him and stay, only i cant get over this, it was somethin i only thought about on an odd occasion.but recently i have been havin dreams about him with other women and remembering how raw it was back then and finding myself doubting him, checkin his phone and emails, i dont want to be like this i have never been a jelous or posessive person but this has really brought out the worst in me. i know it was a while ago and i stayed with him so why cant i put it behind me and focus on our future, a voice in my head says it never happend he wouldnt do anythin to hurt me but at the same time another says wake up once a cheat always a cheat.(but did he ever cheat) i dont know. please help i want to get things back to how they wer if possible and put it behind us if poss.any ideas how?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Hello,
Once a cheat, always a cheat isn't true some of the time.
You probably can't get over this because even though it's on the past it has never been properly dealt with, concluding that you can't trust him because of his past that you still ahve some quiries about.
Hope this helps,
Phoebe
xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2006): Your 'symptoms' seem quite similar to a female friend of mine. Her bf's ex texts him for a happy b-day, and my friend blows up. She tells me she dreams of him cheating, etc, but I told her that it's her insecurities that's causing most of the problems. My friend is very possessive, and very jealous. I told her that one of the things to allow a long lasting relationship to grow, is to try to tame her bad habits. Her bf is a mature, loving, and responsible man. I just hate to see her ruin that by being so damn jealous all the time.
Also the thing about "once a cheat always a cheat" isn't true. It depends on the person and situation. One of my colleagues continues to cheat on his gf, even when he says he will change. However, a relative of mine cheated once a long time ago - he told me. After that one time, never again. He was drunk that night unfortunately.
Anyway, all u can do is trust him. I mean, it IS possible, but how likely is it?
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