A
female
age
36-40,
*ONELYB21
writes:I started dating this guy 3 years ago and everything was great. We loved each other's company, so after 1 year we decided to move in together. Everything was good in the beginning, he would cook, clean make breakfast, and cuddle everynight. Then 6 months later, he began to get more distant, not come home til 3 or 4 in the morning. So i started to suspect that he was talking to another girl. He always denied it and said i was being insecure beacuse he comes home to me everynight i dont have nothing to worry about. Then I found out that he's telling other girls that he is single and were broken up even when we were still living together and doing romantic things. Then nights we was home he would texting alot and still does. We argue more because he keeps saying im being insecure. 6 months past and a girl comes up to me an says that they have been dating for a 9 months and he took her virginity. I was crushed, so when i approached him he began to cry like a baby and told me they never had sex but he was talking to her and spending time with her and he was so apologetic and says that he loves me deeply and still in love. In my Christian ways i decided to give him another shot but i still love him. So for awhile now he has been but his behavior is changing again as i started to trust fully again. he says he trust me but he has password locks on his laptop and phone as if he has something to hide. he gets defensive and argumenative when i ask who is talking to or txting. I dont know what to do i love the guy sooo much because he does great spontaneous things and he makes me laugh. is there anyone who can help me? I feel like he wont get it til I leave him.
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female
reader, Manya +, writes (29 March 2009):
I'm in agreement with the other Aunts. It sounds like you two shouldn't be living together right now. It is much too painful to you, and truthfully he sounds very immature. He seems to just want to "play the field" and to do that, he (besides
learning that his behavior is painful to someone he cares about!) should by himself or with some guys who may help him see the light of day!!
I would say, get out of there and then you will be able to see more clearly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): I know you are probably in a lot of pain, but why are you living with this guy? Do you want to get married? Then why are you putting up with a guy who isn't qualified to fulfill that dream for you?
He is not stepping up to the plate and having an adult relationship with you. I think he lied about not having sex with that girl....she told you he took her virginity and I would believe her over him in this instance, he already proved himself to be a liar.
You seem awfully young to be in a three year relationship. Could it be that this relationship has simply run it's course....perhaps you two have outgrown eachother and it is time to move on.
Any guy is capable of doing spontaneous things and making you laugh.....but if you want something more, then you have to be open to another guy who wants the same things as you do. A declaration of love is not the same thing as a commitment.....in a guys mind if he is not married to you, even if you are living together, he is simply dating you and he can stop dating you any time he wants to do so.
So where do you think this relationship is going? Giving him an ultimatum or leaving to get his attention is not going to work. What you can do is get your own place, tell him that you aren't interested in a boyfriend but you are looking to ride off into the sunset with someone, and until he makes up his mind you are going to start dating someone else. You can still be sexually exclusive without cutting yourself off from other men and therefore closing off your options....sometimes this shift in your attitude is all it will take to get him running after you, but even that is not what you are looking for, so he either steps up to the plate and asks to marry you or you keep looking for your happy ever after elsewhere.
And there is nothing un Christian about that....you both have a right to have what you want. Apparantly he wants to be free.....and you don't.
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A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (29 March 2009):
 He wont get it even WHEN you leave him. Don't leave him in order to try to win him back. It will make you look like a fool when he goes back to his old ways. His ways are indicative of a person who doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't know he wants YOU, so let him go, and try to move on quickly. I'm sorry he cheated on you. When you leave him he is going to do desperate things to get you back, DO NOT give in to his apologies, while sincere, they are misguided and only designed to control that which he doesn't want to lose.
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