A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I been with this girl for 2 months. last month i found out that she's been raped 7 months ago. No one knows about this except me, she didn't tell her family. We cant have sex coz she don't let me. I don't wanna dump her but the relationship isn't going anywhere like this. She refuses to go doctors too. What should I do ? Any advice ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): I would talk to your gf and explain that you feel she should tell someone this person who raped her shoudlnt be aloud to get away with it , tell her you will stick by her everystep of the way also make it very clear that you dont just want sex and that is why your wanting her to speak to someone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): You've been going out for 2 months, you can't have sex with her, because she's been raped, traumatised and brutalised. For some reason she thinks that your a nice guy and she trusts you with her secret, and all you can think about is the sex your not getting and your thinking of running away.
I know your young, but hell, your as bad as the guy who raped her. He forced her to have sex, you feel like dumping her because she can't have sex with you right now. Poor girl, what did she do to deserve men like you in her life. What if this was your mother, what if some man had grabbed your mother, your sister and fucked them and held them down. Would you expect them to get over it in 7 months. What if it had been you? You may not know this, but men can get raped too. Would you expect to be healthy, happy to take of your clothes and have fun sex. You sound like such a jerk. Be glad it wasn't you, and learn to show some kindness and compassion for a young girl who has been hurt by a jerk just like you.
I'd tell you to dump her, because you don't deserve her, but that will hurt her even more, and convince her that ALL MEN are nasty sex freaks. I don't know what to do, except to tell you to use your bloody right hand to masturbate, show some kindness and consideration, and learn to treat this girl with more respect and give her time to get to know you and learn to trust you. Jackass, it's only been 2 months, why can't you wait.
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A
female
reader, WiccanWonder +, writes (2 November 2008):
 Okay, you sound like a jerk here.
Earlier this year i was sexually abused, causing me to break up with my boyfriend because i was scared.
The best thing you can do for her, is if she wants to talk to you about it, talk with her about it.
Seeing as she confined in you means she really likes you, and trusts you. And if you break up with her because of that, she could change dramatically.
Make sure your there as a friend as well as a boyfriend.
Hope this helps.
Tasha or WiccanWonder
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): Wow you're an a**hole. "The relationship isn't going anywhere" because she won't have sex with you since she was raped? She trusts you with the most traumatic secret a woman could have - she didn't even tell her family - and you'd actually consider dumping her for it. Here's what you do: dump her by telling her you're not mature enough to deal with this and she would be better off with someone else, and that she should go to the doctor to make sure she's in good health.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): Dear Anonymous,
You need to know that for girls, rape is traumatizing. All she wants is for you to be there for her, you can't expect her to be fully recovered, no matter how long it has been. Some girls refuse to tell family, or even doctors, because they are embarassed. I've been raped, I know what it's like. You need to be slow with her, soon she will let go and warm up to the idea of sex agian. Rape is basically a over and out experience, it can turn the most confident girls into complete paranoids. If you truly love this girl, you'll understand what she went through and help her out. Things like rape and force can make any lady turn against men and make them terrified of the idea of sex. I hope this helps, and just remember to be careful and don't push it with your girl.
Your friend,
EileenMarie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): yea hi well being raped is a very serious thing. You really should give her time to get comfortable thats something very serious. try taking her to a doctor. And please give her time dont push her. Let her make love when shes ready and you need to support her.
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A
female
reader, adviceQueen  +, writes (2 November 2008):
WELL ...... being a woman that has been raped before i know how she must feel. if you dont want to dump her then dont. i am actually happy to hear that. but if you think it could go somewhere let it happen slowly you are probably helping her just by being there. Rape is a terrible thing and it does give extreme emotional damage but if you treat her well and listen to her she will snap out of it and then you can get intimate. but she probably has a fear of men right now and flashbacks so just bear with it. you will see it will get better.
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