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I found out on the internet that the woman I love is listed as a call girl

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 7 February 2009)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have just started talking to the woman I love again after a year and a half, apart we were lovers over 5 years ago and I always wanted her back but we fell out because of this and I took off on a new career path.

Any way this new career changed my life and me both physically and emotionally, I am in great shape and so confident ali has comented that I'm a different person and a pleasure to be round....

It got so good I been stayin in her place now and again on a platonic basis and I can feel she is attracted to me again dare I say it even falling for me.

Right heres the killer through chance and fluke I found her on the internet as a call girl and confronted her with it, I've so far screamed and shouted but then said I respect your right to choice and will stand by you as a friend but thats not what I want, I know its just an economic crisis that pushed her to this and I wanna marry her some day so what do I do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009):

It is very tough. To be fair to her you need to look very deep in to your soul to see whether you have what it takes.

I have someone that I care about very deeply who was a call girl for 3 months here in China and a friend in London who has been a call girl for 10 years. Both of these girls have stories that would break the heart of anyone that hears them and I'd defy anyone to criticise them for the tough choices they made. I would go so far as to say that these girls are morally superior to the vast majority of people that I know.

Obviously there is a huge difference between what is in the past and what is ongoing. I know that I myself could not cope at all with the second of those situations but I find that I can cope pretty well with what is in the past.

A few thoughts that have worked for me:

- obviously she understands that this is going to be difficult for you and that she needs to work with you to help you come to terms with it

- don't blame her. She did what she did for whatever reason and you are taking her on with your eyes open. Having made that decision it would be unfair of you to try to blame her for what she did.

- try to get all of the facts out and on the table (if you don't you will always have questions in the back of your mind). In my case there were some very specific questions (not easy to ask) that I wanted answers to. I'm satisfied with the answers that I got.

- once you have the facts, don't dwell on them, leave them behind and move on but at the same time as not dwelling on it don't treat it as some terrible and dark thing.

- accept that, at times, she may have quite enjoyed being a call girl. Call girls make a lot of money, they get a lot of sex and some of it they enjoy, they get to be desired by a lot of men and feel beautiful and sexy ... it is not all bad

- sometimes you have to laugh about it. My friend in London for example has an encyclopedic knowledge of west-end hotels which is actually quite useful.

- stop looking for more information on the web. The very last thing that you ever want to find (I did in respect of my friend in London but thankfully never for my friend in Shanghai) is a "review" or worse still a whole page of "reviews" from satisfied clients describing their encounters with her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Look Gina I see where your coming from but bare in mind you've been hurt by this industry too, you've asked questions but not waited for replie's

I believe if I handle this properly and let her see the trust and support is there from me as it always has been she will give up....

She has alot of baggage from child hood and financial stuff that has marred her including men before we met that imprissoned her beat her and raped her so its not as clear cut as I may ave made it sound...

I appreciate you answering but I should have made mre info available

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