A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What a small world we live in.Here is the story. I have a friend, single guy who recently about 4 months ago met this woman, that he obviously likes. Everytime he talks about her he portrayies her as this little angel with so many talents in crafts and arts, very domisticated, without a single bad habit, like smoking or drinking.She is quiet, and easy going, no drama with her. She told him that she really didn't have this many partners in her life, being so unfortunate, that her husband died, and after that she had a boyfriend for a while that died also.He also told me that she works for one of the airlines as flight attentand.This Sunday we were invited to a friends house for dinner. We ussualy see them few time a year, BECAUSE the husband is a PILOT, and his scedule is so hectic, he has no time to socialize. This time I asked him what airline he actually works for, and you probably guessed the rest, the same airline that my friend's girlfriend.So, not suspecting anything I asked him if he knows the girl. She has an unnussual name, so he recognized it immediately and started laughing. Then he asked how I know her, and when I said that I really don't, she is my friend's girlfriend, he said that this woman is 'unnussual' I asked him what he ment. And this is what he said:Before she joined airline she was in a sex industry. Exactly, she was a 'dominatress' I had no idea what it is, he explained to me. they do all kind of gross stuff, I am not going to list it here, but I was completely taken back by this news.I feel so bad for my friend. What is the solution here. I feel like I have no right of telling him, also it was her past-7 years ago-who knows what curcumstances she was in, but after that story now I have a knowledge. I am not even judging her, she stoped doing it, found a job, now she is trying to settle down with one man, she is doing all the right things. Plus, she can't really tell her new boyfriend that she was involved in sex industry. Then she has no chance of ever finding someone. I am still shocked though. He talks pretty often of her, now I have to find ways to react properly when i hear from him how wonderfull she is. What do you guys think? I need few opinions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, you got that right, I couldn't have expressed it better myself.i decided not to say anything, maybe it makes me a bad friend, but I can't. It was a long time ago, you are right, maybe it was a rumour, There is no contact with me and that girl, so there is no chance of us talking just yet. I can't imagine even if I meet her to bring it up.Hope, they'll be happy. They are not young kids, went through quite a while in this life, I'll just keep silence.I thought it over, got used to me knowing this secret and that's all there is to it. But thanks a lot for your responses. I appreciate it.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Touché, alright. I see now that you are just the bearer of a overwhelming secret. You feel like your friend is left in the dark about a fact that may render him unable to date her (for whatever his personal reasons may be). You want to tell your friend so that you don't feel like you're hiding anything, and you feel like he would want to know. If it was you, you would definitely want to know if your partner had a career doing perhaps, perverted sex acts - I mean, multiple partners, perhaps stranger, doing Lord knows what with who knows what.
I never touched another man besides my fiancé in my life. Not even with my hand! I was a kiss-only gal until I met him at 19. And yeah, if he was a gigolo I would ABSOLUTELY want to know. And I would be grossed out... I could probably get over it, but a lot of people couldn't.
Still, I would want to hear it from him. Maybe my absolute best friend in the entire world, or my sister, but I would still most want to hear it from him. I would most appreciate if my best friend or sister told my boyfriend to tell me and if he was too pansy, they would tell me themselves.
I think that this a) may be a rumor, or b) be something that she's waiting to tell him when she's more comfortable. After a career and probably a lot of judgment from parents, friends, guys, or whoever in her life, she's probably so terrified that he will hate her as soon as she tells him. She may be scared to death to bring it up and is waiting until she is ready.
I would give her a month or two and if she's still shut lipped, bring it up to her. Say that you met a pilot who told you this about her, ask her if it's true. Give her the benefit of the doubt - a co-worker is not a reliable source. I got called recently by someone I used to work with back on the East Coast years ago. They said, "hey! I heard you just got a boob job!!" (?!?!??!?!). This, of course, was complete crap. So, bring it up. If she says that it's not true, bring it up with your friend "hey, hahaha, this pilot said your friend was a Dominatrix, hahhaaha!" - this way you can make sure he's aware of the rumor, but hey - if she said it's not true... she shouldn't have a problem with the joke.
If it is true, she knows you know and will come clean, I'm sure. If she doesn't, well, you can go ahead and clue in your buddy.
I sure hope you don't feel attacked. I really value my work as an Aunt, and I give advice the best I can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess you all are missing a point here. I wish you read what I wrote with more attention. Looks like both of you skiped the lines.Repeat, I am not judging anyone, I really don't care about this lady that I never met, and probably will never meet. All I care about this friend of mine, who doesn't know anything about her. Sounds like both of you were in that industry, why do you get so defensive, I just reread what I wrote the first time, where did you find any judgement there? I said I feel bad for my friend. Wouldn't you, if it was your friend?
I am sure there are a lot of reasons why people end up doing what she did, but I believe people have a choice. I don't need to get to know her, especially now when I found out about this particular absolutely disgusting sex service. I think nothing of her not good or bad, I never met the woman, but I can't help of feeling disgusted to the point that I had a hard time eating today.
That's all to it. And stop defending this woman, noone was attacking her. May be she is a wonderfull soul, who knows, and who really cares, she is a complete stranger to me. All I wanted to say that I know a secret now and it makes me feel bad for my friend, that I really like.
If it was reversed situation, I would want to know.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (24 November 2008):
I guess this strikes a chord with me because I worked at a strip club for a year and well, it was an experience for sure. I'm probably the last person anyone would have thought would work at a place like that, and heck - I look back and can't even believe that person was me!! But, I kept everything as classy as you can possibly keep things in that sort of environment. I just think that you are really judging her for what she's done back then and not giving her any chance of perhaps being a good, solid soul, who had her reasons for doing what she did. Maybe she was forced into things, maybe it was the only way she could figure out to handle any issues in her life.
Granted, I may be completely wrong and she might be a little sleazy. She might have a sex industry sort of mentality, and believe me, a lot of those women and fellas HAVE that mentality, but she may not. You said that you don't know her, and therefore I think that laying down a bunch of assumptions about who she is, and her reasons for becoming a sex industry worker, are without ground as truth.
You just don't know her and I really think you should take the opportunity to. You may find that your views take a change. Not on the sex industry - because that's filthy, but the people who work in it aren't necessarily. Take the time to get to know her. If you feel like she is not to be trusted, then you can tell her that you know all about her past and that you want your buddy to know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know her, I know her boyfriend. I wasn't going to tell him, i just wanted to see different opinions about that.
It takes a certain personality to become sex worker, don't you agree? She had no children, it's hard to starve in US, she made her choice doing that just to make good money, that she would never make working in supermarket. I believe that if she tells a guy that she is dating about her past that would lower her chances to find a life partner by much.
You are one lucky girl to see so many THAT non-judgemental guys out there and understanding.
I am sure she has nice girlfriends, it doesn't change the fact how she was making her money. It was her choice, she didn't live in poverty striken country, we are talking US, with all the social help and opportunities at least how it was 10 years ago. She had no mouthes to feed but her own. It's just I feel strange about this whole issue, knowing my friend for all these years, and now knowing this about his girlfriend, that he likes so much.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (24 November 2008):
I think that you should keep this secret to yourself. It isn't your place to blow up her spot - obviously she's really trying to change her lifestyle around and that is WONDERFUL. Maybe she's not ready to tell him yet, give her time to do so. Maybe in a couple of months if she still hasn't told him, you should tell her that you met a pilot who knows her and told you something that you're not sure if you believe. She may open up to you and talk about it, but at least she'll know that she better tell her fella or you will.
I also think it's pretty harsh to assume that she has no chance of finding anyone just because she worked in the sex industry. There are tons of understanding, nonjudgmental guys out there who will be happy to know her for who she is, not past careers or mistakes.
She sounds like a nice girl, maybe she needs a girl friend.
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