A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i found out through seeing fiancee's history and bookmarks on our computer that she's planning to leave me, 'Do I marry my fiance or go off with my lover?' posted on this site and others, and i'm devastated. i've never been able to satisfy her like her lovers do- i'm disabled, i can walk slightly but not really and my back's painful so i use a wheelchair- but i try to be as good of a partner as i can; i buy her flowers and cook for her but it just doesn't work somehow. i'm terefied she's going to ask me to leave. it's her house and i'm lost, in a way, anywhere else because of wheelchair access and handrails in bathrooms etc. i can really struggle being in other places sometimes. on the other hand i'm also scared that she'll leave and my children will be taken away from me because i can't care for them on my own. sometimes it takes me over 30 minutes to get up in the mornings because my muscles are stiff and i'm in pain so there's no way i can deal with getting 2 teenagers and a 6-year-old off to school and my 8-month-old twins to their minders and getting myself to work on time. my Mom's told me to stop being stubborn and get a carer to help me get up and ready in the mornings but i don't think it's being stubborn. i can get myself up and dressed and all of that but it just takes me longer than it would other people but being able to do it myself means so much to me. i adore my job too- i don't get out much otherwise, we live in a very isolated area and though i can drive it can be uncomfortable sometimes- but i work with my fiancee and if we don't work this out i don't think i can carry on working there. i love my family, how can i make this work? and if the worst comes to the worst, what's the likelyhood my children will be taken away? i don't have many friends and my family live in america, so even if i did want to leave her- which i dont- i wouldnt know where to go.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): something i didn't mention before; 5 of the 6 kids that live with us are mine, then she has 2 kids who're in their 20s and a daughter who's 16- the 6th kid living with us- she was only a baby when i met my fiancee, so i love her daughter like shes my own
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): thanks. i haven't had the oppotunity to speak to her other than for her to tell me i've got a fortnight to get my things out of her house. other than that she's been locked in her office at home. then today i found a note puhsed under my office door teling me she doesnt want to speak to me she just wanst me gone. i've been to her department- we work in the same place, different jobs- 4 or 5 times today and mysteriously she's never there- or so says the guy shes leaving me for, a guy who's teeth i'd happily knock out if i thought it'd help- this guy is a total idiot by the way and she deserves way better. short of barging in to see her whilst she's teaching a class, i don't know how i can speak to her when she's trying to hard to avoid me. i've excepted it's obviously over though and i've handed in my notice at work, though i've agreed to work until they can find some one to replace me but it shouldn't be too long. once thats done with i think i'll be going back home- home is Florida USA- for a while. i'll mis the kids but my brother is ill so it'll be good to see him for a bit until i can find a new job and a flat for myself in britain.
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A
female
reader, yeahitsgreat  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 the best thing to do is to try and talk to her ask her what is going on and what she wants in your realtionship. let her know you love her and your kids and would do ANYTHING to be with them forever. dont tell her you will change bc its overdone but if she tells you what she wants tell her you will work on it and you want her to work with you. tell her you want to work this out together and anything is better than splitting a family up.
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A
female
reader, Lzavmon03 +, writes (28 September 2007):
 I see a lot of different levels to the problem you have. I think first and foremost you need to speak to your finacee and have this all out on the table...from what I gathered from your question is that you have seen evidence of her thinking about leaving you, but have you confronted her with this? I know the first thing I would do if I found out my significant other was leaving me (or thinking about it) would be to try to figure out what my next move would be, and what bevy of things would change if he left, but it seems like you are overwhelming yourself with all these different possibilities and things that haven't happened yet. You need to talk with her and tell her this is what I found when I was on the computer, is there something you need to tell me? At least then, you'll know the truth and have an idea what to do next. I'm sorry you were put in this situation.
Yet, I wouldn't give up hope if it happens that you two should break up. Would you wnat to stay with a cheating fiancee just because it was physically comfortable? I don't understand what it is to be physically challenged, and I don't want to say it won't be difficult not having her help or the easy access to get around like the railings or ramps, but just ebcause you may need assistance doesn't mean she's the only one who can provide it. You could probably ask around and see if there's an apartment that has those things you need to get around and see if you can find a home healthcare worker who can come in and assist you when needed and also care for your children. The two teenagers could, on the most part (and as far as teenagers go), be trusted to have the resposibility to clothes themselves and make their own breakfast and help their 6 year old sibling-- the twins will need the most attention because they really can't do anything for themselves. You can ask for the help of relatives for babysitting until you can figure out the arrangements.
I wish you the best of luck in your situation. I hope everything works out for the best.
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A
female
reader, drastic knowledge +, writes (28 September 2007):
 frist i gave advise to your fiance and i have read the post and really your post shows me as much as yours does
you both care for each other but then dont want eachother so you use each other to deal with life
there is a chance they could get tooken but then theres a chance you will keep them you just got to do the best you can and set down and speak to her and see where you to stand in this relationship
life keeps going on even if you dont want to when things are hard but marrige is something your not ready for to say the most you to should take a break and see where things go from there
to me your better off by your self as she has no respect for you or her self and i think you need to get some for your self also
she has no right to cheat on you no mater how bad the relationshipis in her eyes, i feel as you allow her to have lovers so you'll have some one help with your children and a place to live!
i know you dont want to be hurt by this woman but having a place to stay and being unhappy and with that many children, plus your heath can be hell but there is always the light of things you just jave to take the next step and leave her where she can be happy and do the best you can
you cant go foward with out taking that first step out of that relationship and into life as a single dad again and then
yes thinks will be ruff but if you work hard enough all will get better after you leave
are the children hers as well or all yours?
but its still not the best thing to show your children frist hand how a relationship works and how you treat your partner
good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): There is not much we can say in this situation. I am sorry about you being in this situation. It is sad..and I really hope she does not leave you & your children. Chances are the kids would go with thier mother. You'd be able to see them still. You can get the government to help you out, well at least in america disbaled ppl. get help like a care taker & disability insurance money. Have a talk with her & tell her your concerns.
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