A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,Last night my fiance of four years (he is 34) admitted to me before we start dating he used prostitutes from time to time. The first experience being when he was 20. We have an open and honest relationship, quite understanding to each other and I asked him a few questions about his experiences and how it worked. I was not mad at him seen as it was before he met me and I know he has never cheated on me and the physical side is wonderful. I'm usually quite open minded and have a non judgemental attitude but this is nagging me a bit. I keep wondering how he treated the women (he said they were high class escorts not street prostitutes) he treats me with the greatest respect but I don't know do men change when they are paying for sex?. I'm not going to leave him, I love him dearly and he is my best friend and I am happy he trusts me enough to share it with me yet I have a nagging feeling about it - I don't know how to feel. Logic says its the past but emotionally I am a bit disappointed but not sure if I have a right to be. Any ideas or anyone else had a similar experience?Much thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): When a woman wants easy no-frills casual sex with a willing and very attractive partner, she can normally get it. She goes out, picks up a hot man with no illusions about what's going to happen, and she gets it.When a man wants easy no-frills casual sex with a willing and very attractive partner - well, the average man normally cannot get it easily like women can. (Yes I know this does not match what women generally believe it's like to be a man. When women imagine being a man looking for a casual hookup, they imagine being the kind of man that THEY would casually hook up with. That is not the average man, that is a much more sexy desirable one.)Women wanting casual sex will choose men better looking than they can choose to date. (In fact I get the feeling its half the reason they are even doing it.) It works that way because men want casual sex more than women do on the whole so women have the luxury of being so much pickier. So men have to aim below their standards - sometimes FAR below them. It makes the whole casual sex experience much less fun for men to be honest.And after aiming lower, what happens? Men still can't really assume we will even get casual sex. Women still mislead, change their tune, and generally make it harder to get than men do. (no offense but its true on the whole.) So picture this - you are a woman who wants casual sex. Your choices are, you can either settle for a man who is much less attractive than you want, spend some money and effort on him, and still not know if you can even get casual sex after all that . . . or you can spend some more money, buy a high end prostitute, and at least know you are getting what you pay for. The prostitute option starts looking better and better, doesn't it? This is why men hire prostitutes in a lot of situations where women would not. It doesn't necessarily mean they are looking for someone to mistreat or anything like that. It may just mean they wanted casual sex, and they didn't want to go through the games and uncertainty it takes for most men to get it in the real world.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 February 2013):
 I walk in your shoes. My now husband was using escorts before we met... he was always honest and open about it and coming from my sexually open and non-mainstream past I was perfectly ok with it.
it made me sad for him that he could not connect with anyone enough to find a friend for FWB and had to resort to paying for sex.... and that's about as much thought as I put into it.
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