A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:well about two months ago i found out that my boyfriend of 4 years got oral sex from a male about 4 times,, he says they never had sex only oral.. and the reason he never told me was because he was ashamed. this all happened when he was between the ages of 15-19 years old.. i started dating him when he was 21.. so my question is "is he gay" he swears up and down that he is not gay and he regrets it soooo very much.. so please help me figure this out!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): It's a matter of semantics. There's a spectrum, and there's also a school of thought that everyone is potentially bisexual (I can recall a very very straight man answering the question 'would you suck another man's cock for a million quid' with the obvious reply 'too f***ing right I would!')
Your guy would appear to have landed on the predominantly heterosexual side of the scale, if you've been together four years and he hasn't had any gay experiences at all apart from the ones he's told you about. If he regrets it, it might indicate that he was a bit bi-curious at the time, didn't enjoy it and doesn't want to do it again (though going for it four times instead of once would suggest that he really didn't dislike it TOO much).
Him receiving oral from a man is probably not quite as gay as giving a man oral would be, if that makes sense. From what little you've told us, I'd hazard a guess that at this point in time, he's a basically straight guy with bi-curious tendencies, or a bisexual guy whose chief preference is for women, whichever descrition you prefer.
None of this totally rules out the possibility that in fie years' time, he might become a liberated gay who 'practises' his homosexuality so much he could perform it on stage at the Hollywood Bowl.
A
female
reader, ~*jessie*~ +, writes (18 June 2010):
there really isn't a problem with gays in my opinion. my best friend is gay. she is sooo very much in love with her gf of a year. but she took off a week from talking to her gf or anything and she went out and figured out what she wants to do in her life. she met new people but she kept coming back to her gf. its love. she dated a guy even though she was lezbian to see if it could work but she didnt feel anything. `if he swares up and down that he isnt gay and he regrets it mayb stop bringing up the past. if it was that long ago its in the past and the past dont matter. sit down and ask him say you wont be ad but if he is anything it would be bi. but if you care for him you wont judge him. just as long as he dont cheat.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 June 2010):
 Getting oral sex is pleasurable and human sexuality is WAY more plastic than gay or straight. Don't try to label him as gay just because of that. So what if he had oral sex with a man? Women have sex with other women and still wind up with guys. People have sex with plastic genitals (dildos and fleshlights) and no one thinks too much into that. Whatever feels good, it doesn't matter what it is so long as it's not hurting anyone. He's attracted to you right? This is no different than if he'd gotten a blowjob from an ex-girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): 4 times with a guy and he's not gay or bi? Must have been good oral, indeed.Or he is curious...4 times "or so"?He could be one of those guys that like to get head from men and nothing more. I don't know if that means he's gay.
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