A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and a couple of months ago I found out that he watches porn. I feel cheated on and lied to because he has always said that he doesn't watch porn because he loves and respects me too much to do so. I know a lot of guys watch it even after marriage and maybe if it was just porn I might have been able to get over it because pornstars are fake and over-fantasized but he also watches youtube videos of real girls to please himself. like there was this one secret video someone made of a girl's backside without her knowing, she was just standing in a que at the bank. There were all these comments from guys about how nice her backside was and my bf commented too. Why does he need to perve on other girls when he has me? This has given me a lot of insecurity about myslef, I feel like I'm worthless and not good enough. I'm so depressed I cry everyday, it's been 4 months I can't seem to get over it. I've confronted him and he has apologised but hat didn't help. I love him too much to let him go...but on the other hand I can't live with this depression for the rest of my life, I can't even eat properly because it's killing me....I saw him as my true love but now I feel like all the trust between us had broken into pieces.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 August 2014):
 T Lady doth protest too much methinks ( from amlet by Shakespeare) Relax, the world isn't coming to end. t's just porn(porn isn't real-it's fantasy to slake the thirst forings we cannot have.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2014): I would be bothered he watches porn. I would be more, much more, bothered that he made some rubbish up about not watching it and respecting you too much. He lies. In fact, he is happy to lie with a twist - a twist that involves pretending he cares about you in the process to cover his tracks and patronise you into feeling ok about yourself.... which is why you feel so bad now. Understandably. He didn't respect you enough to say or be up front that he looks at porn and give you the opportunity to decide early on whether you can live with it or not. Some women can and others cannot. There is no right or wrong - though plenty of opinions. Personally I think you know what this means - he has lied about lots of other things and not just the porn. I doubt your relationship is going to improve without a lot of effort. The question is... do you want to compromise?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2014): It's a pity you've lost so much time and nerve on crying! Really. In men it's no cheating at all, only some type of inborn interest. If he spends all his free time doing it, that's a problem. If not - it's OK. Spare your and his nerves!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2014): Okay.... I found out my ex boyfriend was watching porn in our relationship in the first month and that hurt like hell and that was nearly 3 years ago. I totally agree with you I don't understand it either, I believe some men relate to porn more than real people. I have my guard up now, since my ex I have cried nearly everyday, it happened to me too I thought I was special and I wasn't. We both need someone who finds us irresistable. There are people out there who don't watch porn much and make a fuss of their own partners.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (23 August 2014):
 5 years.... and you're, just now, learning this??????
Time for you to decide if there really is a future with this guy.... NOT because he watches porn (as you recently learned).... but because you should be uneasy about what ELSE he has kept from you....
5 years???????
Good luck....
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