A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have written on this site before so i hope you can help me out again.It's been just over a year that i found out about my husbands 3 affairs one was 3 years into my marriage that lasted 2 weeks, one that lasted between 5-7 years(not every week he says many weeks/months would go by without any contact)the last one lasted 3-4 months i found out about them in Feb 08.WE have had a rough time over the last 12 months but i can't seem to let things go i feel like i have not got the answers i need to put it all behind us.I know he had feelings for the last one as why would he take her to places that we had been as a family and bring her into our home when at the time our son was living here (he has since left because of all this)now we are going to lose our home as we can no longer afford to keep it.I have lost my job as i got so depressed i am on sleeping tablets cos i don/t sleep thoughts are going over in my head 24/7.He was a good man(so i thought)even though i never knew about the affairs he always treated me good,we were never short of money we never went out together not like we do now,our sex life is better than its ever been,so why am i still not letting go of the past?I do love him so much but cannot understand why he did what he did and he says he does not know why? only that he has always and still does love me more than ever and he does not care about anything else as long as we are sill together.He is always saying sorry and telling me he loves me even buys me little gifts something he never done before(he bought the last 1 a valintine present and i got nothing)do you aunts think he is sorry and am i being stupid for not being able to forget and move on? I am not an ungrateful person just a women who's still hurting deep inside.THANKS in advance X
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female
reader, bemused  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Hi hun. Heartbreaking post, heartbreaking situation. What struck me when I read your post was the number of times your husband cheated and how it seems as though neither of you have really scraped the barrel to find out why. You mention you are upset and have a hard time trusting...what would you expect after three transgressions and your husband keeps saying he is sorry and he loves you...something if missing in the puzzle here. It seems as if you are happy to have him, no matter on what terms and you are hurt when perhaps what you should be is angry. I agree somewhat with the above poster that he always comes back to you. He may love you in his own fashion but I also think he is sure of you, confident you will take him back.
I would suggest marriage counselling immediately. I think with your husband having three affairs under his belt and you feeling like you have done something to make him do this will require the services of a good therapist to find out what is going on.
I think perhaps you are maybe in a bit of denial. One affair maybe, but three. You say he is a good man so I will believe you here. I think you need to know this will not happen again. If it does, it would be my suggestion you leave this guy. You need to find out why he cheated. Do not necessarily take it to heart if he says it was you...maybe..maybe not..tracks need to be covered. If it was something missing in the marriage and the situation can be fixed..well give it the college try. If he just likes dalliances outside your marriage...I would leave. You need to hold your head high and expect respect. Keep us posted hun.
A
female
reader, katie95183 +, writes (3 March 2009):
I am sorry to hear that you are still hurting deeply. They say that time is a great healer but I know from my own experiances once that trust has been broken in a relationship you will always have that fear,worry, dis trust in the back of your mind which may fade over time but never completly go back to the way things were before you found out. You have to think to yourself though - Even thought he had these affairs its you that he came back to! If he truely didnt love you then he would have left completely. I really think you need to sit down and try and have a really long talk to him and tell him for you to be able to move on you need to understand why he did this. I truely belive the main reason people cheat in relationships is because they are unhappy with a aspect in the relationship for eg money problems, whether they are getting enough attention emotionaly and physically, etc. Just before he had these affairs were you both happy in every way? or were there parts of your relationship that werent 100%? in order for you to ever move on you need some answers otherwise it will always be on your mind. I hope i have helped a little
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