A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi im 22 and my husbands 25 , we've been together 4 years but lately ive been having real trusting problems which isnt healthy for the relationship, you see i found out that he had signed up to a online dating site not just any though a one for married people looking to have an affair( i found out the same day he made the profile), when i questioned him he firstly denyed it and got very defensive trying to make me look like the one in the wrong) , we didnt talk for a few days then he said how stupid he was, nothing was meant by it and how he was ashamed about it. we have been geting on fine but i always have that at the back of my mind and im finding it hard to believe anything he says ...! i hate the way it makes me act as it has me doubting everything ..please help
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female
reader, M.M +, writes (26 June 2008):
Wow! Now that is going to be a major setback in the trust issues you have in your relationship right now, which I am sure there is no doubt you already know.This however is going to make you bitter if you do not voice your feelings. He is the one who has done something wrong not you, so make sure when you are discussing your feelings he does not manipulate you in to once again thinking you are in the wrong.He will probably just brush off what you have to say as he may be embarrassed at the situation i.e. being caught. And you cannot push him to talk and tell you why he has done this if he does not want to, but this does not mean you should give up on him.He may well have a very good reason why he was behaving in this manor (he may need some space), BUT this does not justify his actions! As how far would he have gone if he did not get caught? These are all question I am sure you are thinking...Talk to him girl, give him a chance to fess up, but don’t let him cloud your eyes with smoke. See what is there and only what is there. Do not try and jazz up his excuses, everyone is entitled to one mistake, but not many of the same one...Best wishes, I really hope it all works out for you xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): Vow, you don't deserve this; nobody does!
I have empathy with you; your emotions must be in turmoil;
you love him, yet you are hurt;and at times you are upset and feel angry; you feel belittled and are wondering why; you want to forgive, but are scared to trust; it happened, what prevents it from happening again; I am sure these are some of the questions going through your mind;
However, you are going to make yourself sick and miserable going this way; you obviously did confront him about it and heard his 'stories' or excuses; you want to believe it, but you have difficulties with that; I understand that; and with reason.
The man you love and trusted betrayed your trust; you are unsure and uncertain about the road forward; that is normal! You want to continue, because you love him; but you are worried...."what if"
You have to get some profesional help; you need to seee domebody to help you work through this; you cannot just suppress your feelings and your "fears"; it will not go away; ultimately it will course resentment;
Once you have worked through your feelings and you then are sure about feelings; you then are sure that you want to continue with this marriage; you will both need to go for counselling;
Unfortunately there is not shortcut with things like this; longterm it always "haunts", unless dealt with correctly from the begining;
I urge you, go and get some help; tackle this bull by the horns; do not just leave it or ignore it and hope that it will get better; yes it can, with the right counselling; but unless you both work on it and go through counselling; I am afraid you are only delaying the agony.
Don wait, don't allow insecurities and resentment to become part of you and your life; ACT now, get help;
I feel for you and hope you can resolve this;
Best wishes!
Give me a SMILE!
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A
female
reader, Miss Potter +, writes (26 June 2008):
 I agree with previous poster. Only before you file in for the divorce papers find out why he wanted/wants to have an affair and whether you can work this out with or without help.
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A
female
reader, LISAXXXG +, writes (26 June 2008):
 ask him out right why he did it and make him give u an honest answer it may be out of curiosity or not but i would confront him its the only wa your going to find out good luck x
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