A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How should I feel about my boyfriend looking at photos of naked women?At the moment, I feel like a) I'm not good enough for him andb) upset that he'd even want to look at theseI need advice, please. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to gently point out that I resolved this problem 4 days ago - debate in private messages. ;)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Another misconception. I think women would be surprised at how well the male gender would handle it. Not all men but at least on average.
It's not that men would be thrilled about their wives doing this, it's just that men would understand it better than women seem to understand them doing it. And more men would understand that getting excited at the sight of a stranger's body isn't always a threat to your love & attraction for your partner.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Women seem to normally care about this stuff. But if they could ever get into their man's head for a minute then they probably wouldn't.
It's a natural difference in the genders.
I've heard angry women argue that men shouldn't need porn. Then the men argue that they're just more visual than women. Right about that time, some angry woman usually says that's a load of crap.
But doesn't the whole entire situation itself already kind of demonstrate the truth in that idea? Tons and tons of men strongly go for porno, even to the point of breaking up relationships over it, and yet most women don't feel very strongly about it at all?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Relax, he is just a normal hot blooded male .
If any male is not interested to look at pictures of naked women ,
I think he is not from this world or a hypocrite of the highest order.
He would not be interested in any females too.
You got a peeked into his male world and you may find it obscene or gross but thats the way it is.
You need to understand that it is a different world they live in and they don't live by your female standards.
Thanks and appreciations to troubletoomuch and DiovanLestat for your vote.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): I second the cowgirl's opinion. And Laura's too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, I talked to him about it. He understands how insecure I am about it, but that I had nothing to worry about. The pictures are on a corkboard online he visits - the site isn't specifically for porn, but it's still there. The naked pictures are posted up by other members. He has told me that it's nothing more than appreciating beauty, and that he doesn't even get substantially excited about it, or wanks to the pictures. The pictures are on a corkboard online he visits - the site isn't specifically for porn, but it's still there. The naked pictures are posted up by other members. He also said: "If anyone's gonna give me anything significant, you'll be the one to give it to me. If anyone gives me anything else, it won't be half as good as what you can give me. Everyone needs that physical contact - only you, as my girlfriend, can give that to me!"So I'm feeling a little more relaxed now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): Probably about the same age as you ms anonymous, but in possession of a great deal more manners and wisdom about these things than you obviously show.....
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (29 June 2008):
“The important thing is not what they think of me,
but what I think of them.”
Queen Victoria, 1819-1901.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): laura belows comments are good for a laugh...anything more is oversteping the boundaries of a good relationship'? what a joke...sorry but for any woman with a healthy self respect and intelligence sharing her body with a man and then having him wank over other naked omen is overstepping the boundaries..HIM overstepping them Laura, are you 13 or 18?
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (27 June 2008):
 Would you rather he was looking at men? or transvestites? or that movie from the 70's called Animal Farm? *shudders*
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 If it's not an addiction, having him look at pictures of naked women is nothing to get upset about.
If I found my woman looking at pictures of "beefcake" I guess I'd get a bit defensive, too, so I can understand your feelings, given that I'm no beefcake. (Of course, women don't do that, at least not very often.) Still, it's very common for guys to look at porn and it's better to accept it than to get upset about it. As long as he keeps coming to you for the real thing, you shouldn't worry about it.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (27 June 2008):
Firstly ,you cannot stop him or police him from looking at naked pictures of women. He has been brought up that way .
Secondly , he does not think like you because he is not a woman.
Generally speaking ,most men just enjoy the beauty and do not compare with his g/f.
All you can do is to express your dislike to him or frown on
his habit and if he respects you , he will not look at naked pictures of women in your presence.
That is all you can do .
Anything more than that is over stepping the boundaries of a good relationship.
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie  +, writes (27 June 2008):
If you are not ok with it tell him. If he loves you he will stop. I'm just like you and have had low self esteem since I was 8. When my fiance and I got together I was at a new low and had been bulimic for almost a year. When I found out about his porn at first I was ok but as we became sexually active it bothered me. After long talks and many slip ups on his part he stopped looking at it. To make him feel a little better I occasionally let him set up the video camera so it feds through the tv but IS NOT being recored so he can get that fetish filled. I am not ok with dirty pictures of myself because I get scared of someone else seeing them even though I know no one would I get worried that they might be set somewhere where someone would get a peek. I think that if you had a heart to heart with him the problem could be solve.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (26 June 2008):
 I am sorry you feel like this, but trust me, there is nothing much behind this. Everyone likes to look at other people .. naked or dressed up! Naked women (lets face it) are beautiful and much better looking than most naked men (No I am not lesbian). Dont worry that you are not enough, its not true! Im sure he loves you and likes you the way you are. This is just something (Not only) men do! Porn or Playboy .. it is just eye candy. Now imagine when he starts going for his friends bachelore parties and lesbians will be having sex on the couch next to him! If you feel this way about magazine, than you will drive yourself and your relationship crazy when this comes around!Be yourself ... love yourself .. forget magazines, they are not real! they are all airbrushed !! Its a fantazy! nothing else
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A
female
reader, LISAXXXG +, writes (26 June 2008):
 some people will say men are men and it means nothing looking at women is something men do!! but how does tht make us feel the woman?? well maybe we compare ourselves to a person we can never be no ones perfect and i can tell u for sure the women in those mags arn't perfect either air brushing ect u need to install confidance in yourself ge yourself some sexy undies take time out belive me no ones perfect its just a mans fantasy they should be happy with what they have got xx good luck hun x
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A
female
reader, LilzDon'tKnow +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Ok first off remember he is a GUY guess what. Guys get horny, ALOT. If he's looking at theese pictures then he's probably wanting something. Now its your choice to give it to him or not. Personally i would choose not but let me lay out your options.A.)Give it to him and have the risk of him leaving you right after to get someone else.B.)Don't give it to him and continue to let him look at the pictures for his pleasure. You can't stop him and if you tried the chances are he might leave you for being over bearing. Now with this option he could also say the hell with it i'll find some girl who will give it to me. Chances are slim but not impossible.C.) Talk to him about it and see why. If he doesn't answer thats ok thats his business. But its always nice to talk to him and ask his opinion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): No one can tell you how you "should" feel about this (though I'm sure many in this thread will try). If it bothers you, it bothers you. You feel what you feel - and are not wrong for doing so.
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A
male
reader, Arkiteck +, writes (26 June 2008):
First ask him about it, see what his reaction is. It's a totally normal thing for guys to do regardless of how you feel about it, most men do it. I understand that it makes you feel like something is lacking but that's not the case. I can't explain why we do it, but we do it's just one of those things.
A suggestion to make it stop though, take some naked photos of yourself and leave them in places for him to see (this is assuming you've reached that level w/ him). Could be an answer to solve your feelings and another outlet for him.
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