A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a hot tub in the back of the house. The yard is not fenced and there is open space behind where people often walk. Last night I found a pair of men's boxers that are not mine laying on the ground next to the tub. My wife of 19 years said she knows nothing about them and really dug in when I questioned her about it. I don't really have a reason to believe that she is cheating on me, but the simple fact that there are a mystery pair of men's boxers at my house (albeit outside) has really thrown me for a loop. We both work, have young teenage kids and I have been traveling for business a fair amount recently. Do I take her at her word and assume that a random person or group helped themselves to the tub while we were away (the only other plausible scenario) or does it appear that something more is going on? My emotions are in a bind. Suggestions??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2017): Your poor wife.You have been married 19 years and you still do not trust her one bit.You better call the flower man and send her the biggest bunch you can find for being such a jerk for not trusting her.You have teens that says it all..it was them or one of their friends.Next time believe your wife or you will be all alone in that hot tub when she leaves you for not trusting her. Unbelievable.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2017): You have teenage kids? But you're questioning your wife?
Dude...seriously?!!
Why would a grown-man leave without his shorts?
I think the kids invited some friends over for an unauthorized party, and didn't tell anybody. Obviously one of the guys left in a hurry! Is one of those kids a teenage girl? Does she have a boyfriend? You're absolutely certain the shorts don't belong to a son?
I think your wife would cover her tracks better than to leave some man's underwear where you could find them.
Oh, BTW, if your yard and hot-tub isn't enclosed...your neighbors may just be taking leisurely soaks when you're not home! Put up a privacy-fence, close off the hot-tub, and put security cameras around your property. Otherwise; don't be accusing anybody of anything, when your property is so easily accessible.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (22 December 2017):
 You should know you wife best. Watch her for a bit to try and detect if she might be lying.
But teenage kids, and a Hot tub?
....Sounds like a fun Friday night.
Un-Fenced yard, and nobody home?
....Sounds like a fun Friday night.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (21 December 2017):
Fence your yard! If you have no reason to believe your wife is cheating why keep bringing it up?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 December 2017):
 Really. Are you naive? Yes, someone helped themselves to a skinny dipping in your pool, and your wife was not invited. Get a fence or an alarm, or next you will find someone did more than just take a bath there.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 December 2017):
 You have teenage kids, sir! You didn't mention whether any of those TEENAGE kids are girls! Being a mother and remembering my teenage years, and especially my brothers when they were teenagers, that's what first popped into my mind!
Wouldn't you think that a guy who used a hot tub and came in to sleep with your wife would put his boxers BACK ON when he finished? Cheaters are surprisingly good and obsessive about covering their tracks, going so far as to carry used condoms off-site to not create suspicious trash, or buying a burner cell phone to hide texts from their spouses.
However, teenagers throwing secret parties or having secret guests over between 1 and 2am when people are sleeping haven't yet learned to be careful! I could see a teenager having a secret boyfriend or girlfriend, hearing that you sir are out of town, and running over there to take a quick swim and make-out session with your son or daughter, and leaving their undies.
Of course it's possible that it could have been random people too, but I don't really think so on that account. My teenage son just went over to a friend's house last week who had an outdoor hot tub, and they went straight for it, relaxing in it and acting like grown-ups.
Though, when I was an elementary school kid, my neighbor had a Colecovision (video game console that also played Atari 2600 games), and I broke into their house while they were gone and played it. They came home while I was there, so I ran out the back door! No one ever caught me. I was so wracked with terror and guilt that I never told anyone, and never did it again. So it's possible that you have neighbors who wanted to try the good life for a bit.
BUT -- my first suspicion is your kids know who did it. Hot tubs are teenager-magnets!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 December 2017):
 I bet your wife " dug in when you questioned her " ! After 19 years, with no special reasons to make you doubt her ( at least you haven't mentioned any ) plus you have a fenceless yard and an open space where people come and go as they please, plus you have two teen kids at home who may be the best kids in the world still they are teens and as such very likely to organize a party / have over friends and visitors the very moment their parents turn their back....
the very first thing you assume when you find men's boxers by your hot tub , is that your wife must have something to do with it ! , when the most logical and probable assumption- considering the way you describe your environment and habits- is, yes, that some random person or group , or some friends of your kids, may have helped themselves.
Not very flattering for your wife....
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (21 December 2017):
 Did you question your teenage kids? What did they say?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 December 2017):
 I don't really have a reason to believe that she is cheating on me .... Do I take her at her word and assume that a random person or group helped themselves to the tub while we were away
The yard is not fenced, people often walk behind the open space, you were away for a time, some random may have decided to help themselves.
I think you ned to give your wife the benefit of the doubt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2017): Your wife was probably offended and hurt that you even asked! Did you ask your children? They may lie if there was a boyfriend over. I'm really betting someone helped themselves. I'd put up a security camera or better yet, a fence and motion sensor lights to deter them.
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