A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:can i have some advice please.i have been with my partner 5 years and we have a 16month son and i am 2 months pregnant with our second child. my partner is in the army so only comes home weekends, the last 2 weekends he has been so horrible to me and calling me some awful names.he told me today he is not happy at work or at home,i told him that i am not happy at the moment and that the way he is treating me in awful.i went out for a few hours to cool down, when i got back he said he was sorry and that he loves me and our baby and never wants to leave us, he said its just work and he took it out on me. when i was tidying up i found a reciept for some perfume bought today, so he must have gone out after me, i am so upset at this and do not know what to do i love him so much and dont want to think the worse but what else m i suppose to think. some advice would be appriciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): Honestly, I think the best thing you guys could have done before conceiving this second child is to get married, so you have security - currently, as a girlfriend, NOT wife, of a military guy, I don't think you have many "rights" to anything of his that you may need eventually.However, since you are having problems and can't undo the children (I don't mean that in a horrible way; I know it sounds like it and I'm 100% sure you love your babies to bits), you're stuck in a lonely rut and the time you do have together is strained.Ask him "oh, I saw a receipt for perfume and was wondering if I'd missed somebody's birthday?" and he might say it's for you or try to lie. Either way you'll know roughly what's going on. Then you can respond appropriately (and rationally; don't let your hormones get the best of you!)You may want to try counselling that you can do on your own while he's away, but can bring him to when he's back :)Best of luck with the pregnancy and relationship!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): If you are really concerned, it is best just to ask him out right. Just tell the truth, you found a receipt for a perfume, and wondered who it was for. Dont be rude or snarky, just ask matter of factly. Hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 July 2014):
 If it was bought today while you went out, it appears very much like a "peace offering" gift, especially if the perfume is something you usually use.
Your hormones are off the scale now, and he must FEEL himself start to take things out of you, which is a tough pattern to break.
Do you have anyone who can watch your toddler for a couple of hours or overnight so you and he can get away for one weekend or for a date? Sometimes the best cure for high stress is to let off some steam, you getting away from constant toddler-stuff like messes, diapers, kid TV shows (I still can't stand Dora the Explorer!), and his work is taxing him as well.
Sounds like you two are getting burned out and need a little getaway.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (14 July 2014):
 Just ask him, he may have bought it for you to say sorry. Or for his mums/sisters/nans birthday.
Your pregnant and your hormones are all over the place. The row has upset you and your thinking the worst. You could be right but you must ask him and watch his reaction. Just do it casually not in a confrontational way.
As you only see each other weekends life can't be easy for either of you, he's free in the week, no ties but work, his workmates for company. He sees you weekends and takes on the husband/father role and responsibilities stare him in the face.
Your pregnant again and have a toddler to care for, may be even a job too. You cope alone through the week which must be really hard.
Is there a reason you can't move, live together as a family? I ask as I know 2 or 3 couples that do, where the wife has moved near the base to make life easier.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (14 July 2014):
 Either he has started wearing women's scent, bought it for you and is waiting to say Voila!, bought it for his mom or non of the above. Ask him but give it a bit of time. Wait and see if he offers you a gift of perfume first. If nothing materialises then challenge him and see what he says.
Mark
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2014): Could he have bought the perfume for you after the row ?. He might have bought it as a present as a way of making up with you and he hasn't given the perfume to you yet ?.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2014): Why dont you just ask him, whats the problem, say you just found it when you were tidying up.
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