A
female
age
41-50,
*adybky
writes:My husband and I are going through a very rough time in our marriage. About a year ago he came to the conclusion that "marriage just wasn't for him". Although things were not great, this totally took me by surprise He later filed for divorce, but had reservations so he requested more time from the judge. I have always had trust issues with him (due to his extremely ourgoing personality), to which he has all but admitted to being an "attention-whore". One thing that really hurt was when he betrayed my trust with a female that he had only known for 2 months!! he told her everything about our issues and dogged me out (with a one-sided story). A few days ago, I literally stumbled upon a receipt for two pendants (one of which is a heart). The receipt is dated for 3 weeks ago...but I have not received any jewelry!! How do I approach this situation. Problems or not, we live in the same home and the actual court date is 3 months away. Need help with this one!! Tired of crying and all of that stuff but I need some issues.
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female
reader, R1  +, writes (2 February 2013):
 I just think you are worth more than that. He isn't talking about separation he's talking divorce. Don't you deserve to be with someone who wants you? I think you do and I think you will meet them one day. Preparing yourself for the end is the best way forward. It will be hard but you will be happier eventually.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2013): you're basically already in the process of ending the relationship, so what's the point of even wondering who the heart pendant is for? You know it's not you, since the relationship is ending. And it's none of your concern anymore, again, since the relationship is ending. Accept that he's met someone else and it's for her.
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A
female
reader, ladybky +, writes (2 February 2013):
ladybky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your honest and straight to the point responses. I have started to prepare myself for whatever direction this goes (not that I am giving him the luxury of doing all of the deciding).Although he has never actually cheated, he has done a poor job in my opinion of making me feel secure. I've found a better job (I actually worked with his family's business) and have shown him that I am totally capable of living independently. He says that "it's not me" (cliche'...I know) but its the entire notion of marriage and all of the stipulations and if he wanted to marry anybody, it would be me. Please don't even ask me about that one because it certainly wasn't flattering. For now, I will do a little bit of everything...be cute, keep moving forward and of course KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE HEART PENDANTS.There is one thing that I disagree with however, and that's that he can buy jewelry for whoever who wants because he has filed for divorce. We are either married or not, no in between. So as long as he is still connected to me, the only women I am ok with him buying jewelry for (other than myself of course) are my daughters and his mother. That's just me. At any point we could reconcile. Then what? Once the papers are signed then buy whatever the heck you want...if he can afford it after child support! Lol
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (1 February 2013):
It seems like his intentions are to go through with the divorce. This will be hard for you but it is also an opportunity for a fresh start. Was this relationship making you truly happy? If you don't end a relationship when it isn't working you don't have the opportunity to find something that will make you happy.
You may still be living in the same house but if he has filed for divorce it is over and technically he can buy jewellery for other people.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 February 2013):
 I agree with the aunt who suggested you wait until Valentine's Day before acting on your suspicions.
In the meantime, either hide the receipt in a safe place he can't access or take a copy of it (if it's something you have to replace to avoid raising his suspicions). And keep a lazy eye on the situation.
Scan whatever important documents you might need that would be harder to obtain after a separation. It's a good idea whatever the outcome. If after Valentine's Day you still don't have the jewellery listed on the receipt then implement your own exit strategy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): As tough as it may seem, now is the time to be strong and start to pull yourself together. Usually when a relationship hits a rough patch.. and one party is sad and withdrawn (crying all the time), it adds pressure and more 'heaviness' to the environment. Call your friends, go out more, dress up and basically send the msg to him that if he is planning on moving on and filing for a divorce... you are ready for this and able to live a normal life without him! I think this will make him see things differently... somewhere in this are the two people who fell in love in the beginning and got married... show him more of this person... good luck hun and be strong! Crying wont do much for you now! xx
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (1 February 2013):
 Hon, since you admit there are serious trust issues and now you are finding receipts for jewellry, I think the writing is on the wall.
Time to investigate discretely and get all your evidence together, look at his bank statements, mobile phone records, go thru his wallet, pockets etc., find as much info as you can. Then go thru with the divorce as it is clear that you are the only one putting in the effort into the marriage.
I suspect that that only reason he asked for more time from the judge was because he didnt have another woman he was seeing at the time.
Start getting yourself together and working towards the divorce, or else stay in this clearly unhappy marriage and put up with his cheating. Its your choice.
He is never going to change. So it is up to you to change your life - for the better its because YOU deserve better.
It might be helpful for you to speak to a counsellor when you feel things are overwhelming you.
I am sorry that you are going thru this - remember none of this is your fault - he has chosen to cheat, nothing you could have done would or could have made a difference.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (1 February 2013):
I would check his bank statements if he has online banking and see what his purchases are. Make sure u keep all evidence u have. N if u haven't one, start looking for a job and a place to stay bc this may be the end of the road for ur marriage.
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