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*imberenee82
writes: Hi, I am 23 years old and have been with my fiance for about 4 years. We have had our problems but I thought we were doing ok. I am pregnant, due any day now. Last night I was doing laundry and my fiance had his wallet in a pair of pants that needed washed so I took it out. When I set it down it flipped open and I saw a condom in his wallet. He won't have sex with me because I am pregnant and even then, we don't use condoms anymore. So I don't know why he had it in there. I had looked in his wallet about a month and a half ago and it wasn't in there then. I talked to him about it and all he would say is that if he was going to use it, it would have already been used and that he had it in there because him and some of his friends were using condoms to make some kind of bomb-like thing... something that makes loud noises. But my gut is telling me something different. He has been talking to a girl who just turned 18 (who said she was waiting until she was 18 to have sex) who likes my fiance. In fact my fiance and I seperated for a couple weeks about 10 months ago and he was seeing her. I am worried that he is planning on or already has been with someone else, maybe her. I am hurt, sad and confused of what to do. Please help.Sad and confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): I am also pregnant and just found out that my husband was having an affair. I returned home from a business trip and found that our extra bed had been remade and not by me. I then found a receipt for lingerie and lubricant. When confronted he admitted it. I had confronted him about a co-worker that I felt was too close a couple of months prior. It turns out that my gut instinct was right. Trust your gut instinct as well. A woman instinctively knows when her husband is being unfaithful.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (14 March 2006):
 you already said it , if the condom was for making bombs why was it in his wallet?! surly it should be exploded or tossed aside somewhere!
it is a poor excuse and i would bet a lie.
its a shame that some men seem to become so selfish when thier partners are pregnant, my husband put me through hell when i was pregant , there is no excuse for it , yes its a scary time for them but its a scarier time for us women we dont just loose our freedom , we lose our bodies our identities (seen as that pregnant woman), control of our hormones, we have the fear of childbirth, scarring , physical pain & strain, not to mention probably having to give all that would help us relax (smoking , alcohol ) its not hard for a man to see this if isnt ignorant and a good worthy man will be by your side the whole way.
he may or may not of done it , but its bad enough that the intention was obviously there.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (14 March 2006):
you already said it , if the condom was for making bombs why was it in his wallet?! surly it should be exploded or tossed aside somewhere!
it is a poor excuse and i would bet a lie.
its a shame that some men seem to become so selfish when thier partners are pregnant, my husband put me through hell when i was pregant , there is no excuse for it , yes its a scary time for them but its a scarier time for us women we dont just loose our freedom , we lose our bodies our identities (seen as that pregnant woman), control of our hormones, we have the fear of childbirth, scarring , physical pain & strain, not to mention probably having to give all that would help us relax (smoking , alcohol ) its not hard for a man to see this if isnt ignorant and a good worthy man will be by your side the whole way.
he may or may not of done it , but its bad enough that the intention was obviously there.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2006): Hi Ive been in a similar situation before, I ignored it, forgave and tried to move on. Been married to the same guy now for 3 years and after that there have been strings of infidelity or in our case adultery...cheating with other women. So I suggest to you my dear LEAVE HIM, before its TOO LATE..As the other person who replied said "once trust is broken, that is the end of a relationship" That is very true. My trust for my partner has not gotten better...its gotten worse...I cant see how in a moment like this when you too are vulnerable he chooses to do this! Its totally unfair!! And speaking from experience..I would advise you to deal with it now...dont bring in an inoccent child into all this confusion...You are better off alone or with someone else who can be more sensitive to your needs. Yes men go through emotional stress as well, but there should never be an excuse for cheating. If so why havent you cheated? All the best...
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (9 March 2006):
 I have to agree with willy and smeedle. I can't even think of a devils advocate stance on this one. If it was not there before and IS there now...there is a reason. (also you riffling through his wallet on a regular basis says you probably suspect Something?)
Maybe he's not lying in a way...he'd planned on using it and things didn't happen...and he Did forget it was there. (that would explain the "if i was gonna use it, it would be used by now" statement) (see to me hidden in that statement is a slip of the psyche...he did not say he was not going to use it...simply that it should have occurred already) Liars always play within the truth...it gives them sincerity.
Do you KNOW specifically what Friends he made the bomb like thing with? Did you ever see a Bomb like thing? If not, ask him to make you one right now....you are interested and it sounds like a great deal of fun. You don't have the ingredients? Oh...then lets go get them right now...we will make a day of it? You don't have the recipe...well lets call your Friend and get it? See where i am going...every excuse he makes is one more sign...If instead he says...OK, cool...see it really works like this...and Shows you...then there Is the possibility that the bomb like thing exists. That is a good sign.
There are four possible scenarios here.
1...He build a bomb like thing and that is the total story.
2...He built a bomb like thing and is planning on boinking the 18 year old.
3....He is only boinking the 18 year old and covering his butt with the bomb like thing.
4...he is boinking someone else and covering his butt with the bomb like thing.
If he does not know HOW to build a reasonable sembelence of the bomb like thing...two possibilities are struck out....leaving the He's boinking something...whether it is #3 or #4...becomes less important.
Now...men can be jerks...and more than you want to know cheat on their wives when they are pregnant...you are not alone and not to blame should this be the case. That said...it is up to you to decide how you wish to handle it. We don't know enough about your situation to say...well dump him...or give him one more chance. Emotionally do remember...pregnancy can be a huge stress on a guys mind too. His entire world is suddenly becoming much more constricting...responsibility, fear and stress weigh on men sometimes more than their pregnant emotional spouses. They have to play the strong knight in shining armor...and get claustrophobic. They will do something So STUPID....just to stop feeling so scared. They regret it...it's like sticking bees in the armor to seal up the leaks....might work...but its painful.
Everybody does really stupid stuff at some point. Some spend away their future with credit card debt, others turn to drugs or even relationships that sabotage everything they have ever hope for.
Doing something stupid is not always about being an evil good for nothing Jerk. It can be a cry for help.
That may not be a great deal of help to you...but I hope it lets you keep things in perspective with your decisions.
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reader, kimberenee82 +, writes (9 March 2006):
kimberenee82 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I should have noted that we had the condoms already, in our house so it was easy access but still that doesn't seem logical that it would still be in his wallet after about 2 months ago... thats when the whole bomb thing happened. and if it was for that why didn't he leave it in the garage where they were doing this?
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (9 March 2006):
 I have to agree with the advice willywombat gave as sadly I too think he is lying and if he has not slept with this girl then he intends to.
I wish I could tell you that it is just a prank with his mates and that if he was sleeping with the girl he would not have bought the condom home, but I car`nt you see I think he just forgot it was there and in the rush of seeing her and comming home to you he just got careless.
What to do now is the thing, not sure if you should kick him out (that would be my favourite option) or if you should tell him you dont believe him and tell him you want him to finish it, then with time re-make the relationship.
I think once the trust has gone so has the relationship, but you are having a baby any day now and I dont know anything about your home circumstances so need to leave the advice here unless you want to add more.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (9 March 2006):
 Do you want the truth of what I think or a load of waffle. If you want the truth read on.
I think this guy is playing you for an idiot. And worse I think he is doing it because you are in a vulnerable position. I think your fears are actually well founded and I must admit (and I am a bit longer in the tooth than you!) I would kick his backside right out the door with only the evidence of the condom in his wallet.
What sort of b*llsh*t is that? *We needed it to make a bomb-thing*? Come on, so they couldn't use a water-bomb or a balloon, they are going to spend £5 on a pack of three or £1 on a pack of 20 or so balloons. Is it just me or am I smelling a rat when there aren't any?
I know you are pregnant and I realise that you may be convinced it's all down to *hormaones* but you know your guy better than most. If your gut tells you he is up to no good, and then you find this sort of level of *proof* then you gotta go with your gut honey.
Keep us posted.
Good luck, my heart and thoughts are with you and I wish you well in your pregnancy.xxx
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