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*ellamy
writes: I finished with my girlfriend as I didn't feel as though she was there for me when I needed her. She has a lot on her plate, but I still expected her to be there for meI realised that maybe i acted hastily, but now she says that she cannot commit 100% to trying again with me as she has so much on her plate. Her brother is seriously ill, and she has her own health, work and accommodation issues. The worst part is that I feel useless, I still feel like her boyfriend and want to help her through these problems, I don't want her to have to deal with them on her ownI have said that I want to try again, but she says she just wants to be friends for now, without committing to trying again in the future, just 'seeing how it goes'.Should I just go along with being friends? I know that we are more than friends though, which makes it so hard. I don't want to be friends for two months while she sorts out her problems, only for her to turn around in two months and say that she is happy just being friends and doesn't want anything more.If I force her into a decision now, however (either we try again properly now, or it's over for good), then she will choose the latter as she hasn't got the energy to commit to trying again right nowWhat should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, bellamy +, writes (4 March 2006):
bellamy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess you're right, the only thing I can do is give her space and time. I have apologised to her for being so hasty in my actions, and take full responsibility for hurting her like I did.I have since told her that I will not contact her, only to let her know when I'm working (we're both restaurant managers, so our rotas vary week to week), and that if and when she is ready to talk, to call me.Thanks for your advice, it's much appreciated.
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reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (4 March 2006):
 Well you almost answer your own question here basically.Yes, if you force her to make an all or nothing call she will most likely choose to end it forever. So, what should you do? Ipso facto you should just go along with being friends.
You need to give her the emotional space to deal with what is going on. If you want to help her then this is the best way. I think also you need to consider whether your actions were a little more than hasty and maybe just a little unfair. A relationship is based on give and take but it is only natural that at some times that will be weighted in one direction. Sometimes there is sacrifice involved and the needs of one partner outweigh the other. If she
Going back to the split for a second; you say that you felt she 'wasnt there for you' but is it also possible you were feeling the same feeling of hopelessness then as you are now? Sometimes all you can do is be there and listern. Be her rock; her support; her strength and she will remember it. Good luck.
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