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*irbyK
writes: I met my boyfriend through a friend a year ago and he at the time lived interstate. We emailed each other everyday and found we had similar dreams in life. We travelled back and forth about 6 times for weekends and had a lot of relaxed fun and romantic sex. He moved interstate and into my appartment about 3 months later. He was only meant to stay 6 weeks before finding his own place but stayed on because we were getting along so well.I started to feel myself pushing him away and now 8 months down the track as he mentions having sex or hints at sex I seem to get a sense of anxiousness and almost freak out at the thought. I sometimes do it just so he feels better which could be worse.I find him attractive and he does absolutely everything for me and i sometimes find myself not giving back as much. I am usually a very giving but idependant person and dont like the person I being.Im not sure if we just dont have Chemistry and I would be kinder to let him find someone else who will give it to him or that we can fix it? Has anyone else been in this situation? Does anyone else find that they seem to push away really nice caring giving guys and be more attracted to the ones that are a challenge?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): for me its that i have been off and on with this one guy and we have both broke each others trust in the past and have broken up countless times and he is very "popular" and likes to joke around and have fun. now we have buckled down and i see him every day and i find myself pushin him away more than ever.
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reader, kirbyK +, writes (10 February 2010):
kirbyK is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Tigerlily I think you hit the nail on the head. So simple! How do I explain this to him without hurting him. I think this pushing him away has made his confidence lower and i feel like a bitch for that.
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (10 February 2010):
Hmmm. I think sometimes when people do everything for us, it's a bit of a turnoff. We lose respect for this person, because we don't really feel that we have earned all this attn and also we wonder if they maybe don't value themselves that much since we aren't giving back and they are still giving. Healthy relationships need to have an equal give and take. You stop giving hoping maybe he will back off... then you would respect him and step up... but when he doesn't it turns you off.
Then of course you end up feeling guilty about all the nice things he does for you and wondering what's wrong with you that you can't just be happy with a "nice guy". But nobody is really happy with someone who doesn't value themselves and have enough self esteem to ask for what they give to be returned. It's a complex balance.
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