A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know there are a lot of pleas for help on how not to be so lonely and how to make more friends but here is mine, another to add to the list!The only time when I feel comfortable and I can truly be myself (whoever that is) is when I am with my family or 2 of my friends whom I have known for years. Other than that, I find it so hard to interact with people. I always get the impression that people think I’m a bit of an oddball and I find it difficult to make conversation. Sometimes I try to say something to join in a conversation, but most of the time I just feel stupid for trying. I mostly keep quiet as I think, if I have nothing interesting to say, then it is not worth bothering. That therefore puts me in a box as a person who is boring and uninteresting.This was the case all through school and whatever hope of it changing went down the drain after I got to uni. It really gets me down. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like an awkward duck. I have been told before that I am too uptight and don't know how to let go and enjoy life. All true, but I just can't, there is nothing inside me letting me. I feel as though life is passing me by and I'm just standing still.I am in my first year of university and pulled a short straw on accommodation; I began living with 8 other girls- 2 Chinese, a Russian, a Japanese, and 4 other English girls. The foreign girls didn't, and still don't, talk or make conversation however hard I have tried (in my own way), and by Christmas 4 of the girls had moved out. It's very quiet here and it doesn't help that I was dreading coming to uni anyway. I have heard of other flats that cook together and go out clubbing or to bars. I have made a few sort-of friends but they don't go out much and many have boyfriends so don't really want to branch out to make other friends. I therefore spend a lot of time alone, which I don't detest, as I don't mind my own company, but just wish it didn't happen with such regularity.It feels as though it will never get easier and I'll never have a good relationship with someone/people when you are totally comfortable and happy. I haven't had a girly giggle over nothing in so long and just hope that it won't always be like this. How long can someone survive when loneliness consumes them? But then I think that it won't happen when I feel like this because I will seem desperate and on it goes, a vicious circle much?!I've never had a boyfriend (no wonder really) and I just don't think it’s in the cards for me. I wish I had the closeness and love with someone that comes with such a relationship but how can I open myself to someone else when I’m not comfortable with who I am? I read a lot of romance books, and I mean ALOT! With life and all its uncertainty (and awkwardness in my case) I just love the guaranteed happy ending. I like to think that if I can't have one then its nice to read about people who can (albeit fictional ones).It doesn't help that I have a sister who is the definition of the word 'success'. She has great grades, an awesome boyfriend, so many friends who she can just openly chat with and have a laugh. I'm a pro at putting on a brave face and acting like life is peachy but it's not. Not at all.Sorry I have rambled on for so long. Thank you for taking time to read this :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kylieekristina  +, writes (29 May 2011):
 First of all , you seem like an absolute sweetheart. I would love to have someone like you for a friend. The problem may lie in the fact that you are talking to your computer rather than a possible friend. Maybe you're not yourself, when you're face to face with people, because you don't seem awkward to me at all. Join a book club, or something else that has interest to you. Then maybe you can find people that feel exactly the way you do. Someone that understands you will make the best friend. Don't give up or sell yourself short calling yourself boring or awkward. so what? you're not your sister, i'm sure you have a lot of qualities that your sister doesn't possess.....
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