A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my fiance since we were 13. Although I love him and couldn't imagine my life without him, I must admit I am a terrible flirt when I am out, or in male company. Sometimes I don't even realise I am doing it, for example, the guy who served me at the gas station the other day my friend who was with me told me we were flirting like mad.The honeymoon period between me and my fiance is long over. We still love each other, but we are a lot more complacent now we live together. I find attention from other men flattering. Does this make me a bad person, or is this natural to feel this way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): From what I understand it's normal, but I feel guilty about it, and have thought I was a "bad person" like how you feel. I have also been with my partner since my teens. I think it's most common among people like us who have been committed to one person for a very long time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): Flattery lifts the self-esteem. Flirting is healthy as long as it is respectful, self-respectful, appropriate, and tasteful.
The trouble of being exclusively with the same guy as long as you have, is becoming so close you feel like brother and sister. I have seen that happen so many times over the years. You literally grew up together, and he's all you really know about men. There is such a thing as over-familiarity.
You're engaged, not under house-arrest and restrictive contact with the public. You are allowed to be appreciated for your beauty and charm, within the proper context. It matters how you take it, and respond to it.
Just keep it in mind what is going too far; and keep men at an appropriate distance. You said you get carried away, that may mean you have an attention-deficit; so make sure you get enough attention from your "number one." It is past the honeymoon period; but complacency will put you in a slump. You're not even married yet!
You're showing signs of a lack of exposure to a variety of male-personalities; by feeling flattered by the random flirtations from other men. That may become a serious problem, if you don't accept their flattery with grace and poise. It should lightly settle on you like a bee drawn to a flower; but you notice very little response from the flower to the bee. The more nectar the flower offers; the more bees it will draw. Including flies and wasps! So don't offer too much nectar!
You've been socially-isolated; and you haven't randomly dated enough for someone your age. You don't know how to handle it without being slightly overwhelmed. Don't over-react, it sends the wrong message. It's all innocent on your part, but they don't know that. They'll think you're single.
Your partner still has a responsibility to make his mate feel she is attractive and desirable. You were only kids when you met, and you're still under 21. That may also be a sign you've been a couple too long; engaged too soon;and should have explored, or dated other people as you grew-up through your teens.
I do recommend that you stretch-out the engagement. I think you wrote your post; because you're having second-thoughts, or mixed feelings. That's normal, because he is the only guy you've really committed yourself to, and he is the only guy you've dated. Naturally this new attention will peak your curiosity!
He will feel the same as you do, from time to time. So be prepared, it is common for couples who've never dated others throughout their teens. Just don't let temptation get the better of you. If you really feel uneasy about the engagement. You should undo it.
DO NOT ENTER MARRIAGE WITH EVEN THE SLIGHTEST DOUBT!!!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 August 2014):
 Nope you're just normal. Eyone seeks reassurance that they are still valid inthe eyes of others. As long as you don't go any further (like to bed) with other men you're just being you. Andyou is probably a very nice person. Just don;t let it get out of hand to where the guy thinks he needs to act upon the flirtaceous moment it could be very bad situation if h thinks he is being played for a fool.
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