A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:HeyI'm 13-14 years old and there is this really cute girl in my class and she has broken up with her boyfriend a month or two back and I've already asked her to go out but she said no and she just wants to be friendsI've liked her since mid year and I just can't get her off my mindI still want to date her but I don't know what to do..... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 July 2010):
 Okay, that makes things a little clearer. You were afraid of rejection and then you wanted to be the good guy and do the right thing. That's a good start.
This girl sounds like she changes her mind a lot. It's kind of common in teenage girls not to be too certain exactly what they want, they're still figuring things out in life and in themselves.
So be patient, if there's another girl you like, ask her out.
Rejection is very scary and doesn't feel nice and it is kind of mean of society to expect that boys have to take most of the risk of it. I can tell you that if you have a strong self of yourself and don't flinch to
Io much, you will be just fine. Your name, "Iruleman" tells me you feel pretty good about yourself. So remember that having a confused girl say 'no, not now' to you is NOT the same as saying 'you suck' or 'you're awful'. It's more a question of timing than anything. Consider the rejection as more of a 'bad timing' or 'not fully compatible' rather than some negative character judgement of you.
I don't mean for you to behave all cocky and arrogant but just be self-confident and assured. Try not to let her see you look too dejected, that's not very sexy or attractive, if you know what I mean.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try try again. You could ask out another girl who you like as a friend and have a lot in common with for practice, just don't get her hopes up too much, say that it's more like a friend-date than a date-date.
One thing that's important that guys sometimes forget is that you have to smell good, clean hair and clothes, clean nails and shoes and toes. And avoid a ton of aftershave or cologne, that's a turn off too. Try to smell clean, with just a little bit of a masculine fragrance. I remember how bad some of the boys in my class smelled, peeyooooo! Make sure your clothes are clean.
I'm sorry she said no. It's not a final 'no' and this will give you a chance to realize that you will survive some heartbreaking. It doesn't feel good but you can learn from it and come out the other side a wiser and more mature guy.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 July 2010):
What do you mean, "is there anything else I must do?"
Um, she said no. I'm sorry you are experiencing rejection, but it happens to just about everyone. You learn to live with it, it is part of growing up, I think.
The only thing you "must do" is accept it. Maybe if her girlfriends think you are amazingly date-able, they could convince her that she's missing out on something. It's kind of a long shot but it could work. Just dont get all stalker-like or weird, okay?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 July 2010):
You have to respect her 'no' answer. To keep asking her out now will only make her dislike you.
I think your best strategy is to get her friends to see you as very date-able. Win over her friends and you stand a chance.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (25 July 2010):
 sorry dude, but a no is a no. and you must learn to take no with dignity. Its part of growing up. I'm sure there are other cute girls in your class.
However, you can continue to be nice and friendly with this girl and maybe someday she'll change her mind. But right now you should respect how she feels.
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