A
female
age
30-35,
*hocolate-eyes86
writes:Hey everyone! Okay, so heres the thing... Ive just gotten out of a long term on-off relationship (5 years to be precise). It was a great relationship to begin with but then soon the love started to fade from him, (hence it was on-off cause he kept ending it and begging for me back) but i felt strong feelings for him throughout. I began to notice changes in his behaviour and every so often he would cut me out off his life whenever he wanted to, and when he needed me he would always maintain great communication with me, whether it be texts, calls or emails. But whenever he would cut me out, days, even 1 week would go by with him not speaking to me or messaging me! We were in different colleges/uni hence we wouldnt see each other on a daily basis.I tried so hard to remain patient, give him space and be caring supportive and understanding because i knew guys like their space, but enough was enough. I saw how much i changed when i was in the relationship with him, i was obsessed over him, whenever i was upset (which was 80% of the time) it would be about me missing him. He would always tell me he loved me, but his actions of abandoning me spoke louder than his words, he was such a sweet talker giving me false hopes. Then i noticed that there was another girl....which explained his irrational behaviour. This devastated me and broke me completely. Then i began to recall all those past events and put the jigsaw puzzle together that whenever he would have arguments or whatever with her, he would come to me (we used to make love a lot) and whenever things got good between him and her he would disappear (he usually blames it on his strict parents for him not being in touch with me). After adding everything together, and realising why he never introduced me to any of his friends and this new girl, i chose to break up with him. Normally whenever hr broke up with me he wouldnt say anything at all and completely cut me off, then return back to me about good few months after, longest hes broken up with me was for a year, So I emailed him saying im sorry i dont think we could carry on, i didnt mention to him i knew about another girl though. I sent this email a few months ago and i still havent heard a single word for him. Im am over him completely since he has been messing around with me and my feelings for far too long and i finally found the strength to call it quits. But one thing which worries me is......will he actually ever try to get in touch with me in the future? What will happen? Im feeling strong still I dont want to fall back weak again and be heart broken. Anyone have any advice on my situation? Do you think after reading all this you can predict his behaviour? Thank you so much for reading i really appreciate it guys :)
View related questions:
broke up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Chocolate-eyes86 +, writes (30 September 2011):
Chocolate-eyes86 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much for answering my question
thanks for the advice :)
@anon: I think its a good idea to print out what i wrote! I have so much thoughts playing in my head already about all the reasons why i will never go back to him
@chickpea2011: Thank you for ur input into my situation, it just sometimes sucks to think hes never had any feelings for me to begin with and for me to spend 5 years of my love attension n devotion to him.... :(
And yeah he was my first ever love...unfortunately :( Still waiting for true love. I dnt know how much it would take me to heal this bruise/scar :( But i know i cant handle it again and hope the next one isnt going to be this painful.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (30 September 2011):
 Hi,
Sorry that you had to go through so much with your ex boyfriend, 5 years is a long time, and I am glad you decided to end, and stay strong about your decision. I truly believe he loves you, he knows that you love him unconditionally, and coming to you, give him a sense of security, knowing that you love him, and will always be there for him. But, the truth is that, even through he knows you are an amazing girlfriend, sweet person, I don't think he's in love with you. Sorry to say this, I know it hurts, and I might be wrong, but reading your post, and seeing his behavior of being off/on with you makes me believe so.
He lied to you, cheated on you... I know it's hurtful, because all you dis was to love him, and always be there for him, and surely you don't deserve this pain, his betrayal, because you haven't done anything wrong.
It has been a long time since you emailed him, and haven't heard from him. I think that this time he has moved on definitely with his life, and I am sure he's with this other girl. For your own good, do not contact Jim anymore, no text, email, or call. Delete everything, and get rid off anything that belongs to him, or remind you of him. Please, be strong and accept the fact that this relationship is over. Do not think of him, wonder if he will contact you, or what if? Doesn't matter now.
You are very young, still have a whole life ahead. By your age, I can tell he was your first true love, and serious relationship. It's harder, but will get better, promise you. Concentrate in your studies, and keep yourself busy with school, work, family. Find new hobbies, make a new life, and now that you are free, take care of yourself, find out what you like, pay attention to your friends, family, people that love you. Do all the things you always wanted, but couldn't because you were with this guy.
It's going to take a while for you to get over him, take your time. How you feel is absolutely normal, and you have the right to feel this way, but always try hard, be strong, find happiness. Your motivation? Just know that this guy have moved on, he's happy, have a new relationship, he's living his life without you!!! So, why are you wasting your precious life thinking about him? You are in pain! He's not! So do it for you...
Things happens for a reason, and this guy don't deserve you at all. You will be happy, you will find someone that truly deserves you. But, you need to get your confidence back, and start loving yourself. You are young, smart, very caring, not clingy, very understanding, I am sure it won't be hard to find someone, and if you do, it won't be hard for your new guy to love you, because you sound like a very lovely girl.
Feel better, good luck, and best wishes
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): yeah I think he'll probably come back to you at some point in the future, until he finally settles down with one woman for the long term. then maybe ten years will pass where you don't hear from him until he maybe gets divorced or separated then he'll call you again. you need to just print out what you just wrote, and keep it in your wallet or somewhere that whenever you think you might get sucked back into playing his game, you can take it out and read it and remind yourself of what it is like to be with him.
...............................
|
