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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm in my early fifties been married faithfully for over thirty years, have grown children and my husband adores and loves me, also we make love several times a week and it is always brilliant and long sessions. My husband however does not enjoy giving oral sex though I give it frequently. I enjoy recieving and since he made it plain he doesn't enjoy this I went online and found someone to give it to me. It took me over 4 years to actually meet someone, after chatting to various people in all that time, until finally I found someone I clicked with.Unfortunately we fell in love, but my lover will not leave his wife, and I knew this from the onset. He has also called an end to the affair but wishes to remain friends. I can't get him out of my mind, nor stop feeling so deeply about him. I want to be with him all the time, and no I cannot. It's tearing me apart. I went through emotional upheaval and almost killed myself because of this, I want him so much.Plus since he will not give me what I went online for in the first place I decided at some stage oh what the hell, and went back online and met someone else. Now this man is offering what I want and we too have clicked, but I haven't yet and hope I will not succum.The thing is, I also love my husband and I am just on this emotional rollercoaster with no way orf getting off, and Oh I so much want to get off. I cry alot, can't seem to do anything but mope, and clearly feel like I'm wading through mud and getting nowhere.Please please any advice would be welcome, even if its critical.Many thanks.PF.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (6 August 2006):
 I agree with Dr Psych but in addition it may help you to access counselling to deal with your sexual needs. It sounds like an addiction and it is possible for you to break that with some help. If you can afford it Relate may help, or you could try your GP (preferably a female one). There are some helpful and informative sexual addiction websites http://www.sexual-addiction.co.uk/?gclid=CKXgl6eQy4YCFSU9MAodYkEQ5Q
or http://saa-recovery.org/
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (6 August 2006):
 You maybe feeling very upset about it right now but there is nothing you can personally do to change things to the way you want them - you have no control over this person. You cheated on your husband for sex only and there is a lot more to marriage than that - it sounds like you have something that can be saved in your marriage so make amends and focus on that. Nothing good comes out of cheating on him at the end of the day so lock up the computer and don't put yourself in places at risk of cheating. If you don't want to be with your husband then leave him and start out again as a single woman. This internet guy (even if he had left his wife) may have cheated on you with someone else...it is the nature of the game. You need to leave your new internet man well alone and focus on what is really important here - YOUR MARRIAGE and SELF RESPECT. Whats to say you won't fall for the next internet conquest and end up heart broken once again?
You maybe in pain at the moment but you should remember that you will also cause pain to your family and husband if/ when they find out what has happened. Perhaps this should serve as a big lesson about life.
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