A
male
age
36-40,
*cottydoo
writes:About two years ago, I went away to university with a three other friends who are all girls (for the sake of the story, lets call them Jane, Mary and Ann). Maybe two years before that, I thought i was falling for Jane even though i was in a relationship already with someone who i loved. After thinking about, i decided to ask one of my best friends (lets call him James) for some advice. The day came when i was going to tell James everything and coincidently that same day, before i could ask him for his advice, he came to me to tell me that he liked Jane (i thought that would only happen in the movies!). So after that day, i swallowed those feelings for Jane and went on with my current relationship. Jane and James eventually became a couple. When me and the three girls went away to university, Jane's boyfriend (James) didnt come and I was still in a relationship. Jane and I were always good friends and so similar in everything we did and thought. It soon dawned on me that I was falling for Jane all over again. And I felt like she was falling for me as well. We would spend hours watching movies, cooking, talking about nothing in particular. I honestly felt a real connection between us. Eventually I decided that I was going to end my current relationship with my girlfriend back home. Not just because of Jane but she did play a role in my decision. Jane was always there for me during the grieving process. Jane and I only became closer after this. She and James started to fight more and more but she would never tell me exactly what about. After much thought, i confronted Jane one night and confessed my feelings to her. Not hoping to break up her current realtionship with James but just to get it off my chest. The reply I got confused me even more. She confessed that she felt the same way for me and that was why she was fighting with James so often. She was second guessing her love for James but could never come to end their relationship. I feel as if she really wanted to but was more scared to hurt James' feelings. Things went on as normal with me and her but soon afer, James caught wind of what was going on. Jane believes he went on to her email account and read her private messages she was having with her best friend about the whole situation. Things escalated and James ended up confronting me on the phone. He was my good friend, so i didnt lie to him. I told him I had feelings for Jane. He didnt take it well. He told me i betrayed him. He was hearing rumours that Jane and I were having sex behind his back. This was absolutely false! We never even came close to kissing. Thats why i belived that what we had was real. Summer vacation came and we all went home. James ended up apologizing for how he acted and that he did trust me. I never believed him. He was so insecure about everything that had to do with Jane. My guess was proven right when one day Jane and James had a fight. Jane was visibly sad and I chose to comfort her. Not in a physical way but just how a friend would. Because thats what I always was...her friend. I tried cheering her up and consoling her but James took this as me coming on to Jane. James silently grew mad with rage (you could see it on his face). After a disrespecting me and bad talking me with our other friends, he finally confronted me and confessed that he never trusted me etc. I was a polite and respectful as i could be and ended the discussion with out any more confrontation. Since that day, i dont regard James as my friend anymore. He still tries to be friendly but honestly, he will never be my true friend again. He truely hurt my feelings with the things he said and did.As for Jane, I gave her my last words concerning her and myself. It told her that James was no good for her and that she deserved so much better (he actually treats her horribly sometimes. i just couldnt fit all of that in this story). She didnt have much to say to that but essentially, I was telling her that I want to be the one she loves. Because I love her more than she knows.I will always regard her as the love of my life. Even though she may never know it. What would you guys do or have done in my situation??Thanks for listening.
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Hey :)
I think you handled a lot a drama rather well. "James" seems like a very insecure guy, I think he needs to learn to be happy in his own skin before he got into a serious relationship.
It sounds to me like "Jane" was torn between two guys she had feelings for. It's a confusing situation, And she was most likely aware that no matter who she chose to be with, she would end up hurting one of you, that's a difficult position to be in.
It doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong. You didn't make a move on your best friend's girl, you were just honest with her (telling her how you feel) and trying to look out for her.
I'd just give "Jane" some time. University is hard enough without all the stuff that's been going on with you guys. Let her think about what she wants. She may chose to stay with "James", she may want to be by herself for a while, she may come up to you and tell you she wants to be yours forever, we can't know for sure what's going on in her head right now. Be respectful, friendly and approachable with her. Nobody can be 100% certain how this is going to go, but the way you acted was mature and decent. I'm not sure there's more you could've done to show her how much she means to you.
Good luck
xxx
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