A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 19 year old female who fell in love with a 29 year old male. We're both in college and I believe we are absolutely perfect together. He had been single for six years before he met me, and he isn't the type to fall for just anybody. He really makes me happy and we are both really happy around each other.Just recently, as we were going on three months, he suddenly said. "I don't think I can do this anymore. I like you too much to hurt you and I don't think I can function as your lover." When I had asked him calmly why he felt that way, he couldn't really explain it. He did, however, say that after six years of being single it's overwhelming to be in a committed relationship. He wants to be friends. He says he likes me a lot, but would rather be platonic with me. He also said that he would be heartbroken if I told him I couldn't and left him. We had already been through it all, and have so many memories in our short time together.Initially it didn't affect me so much, until the grief set in. I really thought that this man could be it. Wework so well together, that it was so shocking that he felt this way. I know that he likes me romantically, I can feel it. He tells me how attractive and great I am, and that I deserve someone who'd committed. -I just can't understand how on Earth he could want to end it, and I have no idea what to do. I don't want to just be his friend. I could never just do that. In a way, you will always be lovers with a person you love! The chemistry changes forever.He told me that my friendship is more valuable to him than the romance. He says that it's not the relationship or me that's making him feel this way.I don't know what to make of it, what he's feeling. I know that if I probe him about it, it will push him away. I also know that if I tried to be his friend, I would lose myself in the process. I love him and care about him so much, but I truly don't get this.Is he scared of the future? Worried about giving himself up? Does he really like me as much as he says? What should I do? Should I wait it out and try to get him back? Is he testing me? I also don't want to be that girl who has hopes and gets disappointed in the end.I'm literally sick with grief. I've been crying so much, and feeling chronic fatigue and nausea. We see each other everyday, due to classes, and the only way I can hold a conversation with him is if it's online.I told him I wanted space for a while. I need time to wrap my head around it all. I told him not to talk to me, unless we have to due to class.I want comfort, I want him to take a chance, I want advice! Have any of you gone through this?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 He's been very truthful, there is nothing to understand. The problem is that you can't accept what he has to say. He's doesn't want to be in a relationship, he likes his single life. Yes, he likes you, and if he wanted a relationship, you would be his first choice. He has tried, but it didn't feel comfortable for him. He wants to be single and free to do whatever he wants and see anyone he wants without having regard to anyone else's feelings.
He likes you, he wants to be friends, but he doesn't want to hurt you, and he doesn't want to be committed to anything. He wants to be free, single and independent. Sorry. Please go on with your life, this guy is not the settling down kind at the moment. Even if you talk to him, he won't stay, he's not happy in a relationship right now.
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