A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of almost two years really, and I mean really wants to have a threesome with me and another female. He swears that he doesn't have anyone particular in mind but wants us to find a girl willing to do this. I have never done this before and neither has he, I know guys like this stuff and I want us to have a very spicy sex life and fulfill each others' fantasies, but I do feel kinda weird about the fact of another girl "doing" my guy while I watch and vice versa. How do you think I should feel about this? And if any of you think I should go for it, where in the heck would I find a clean girl to do this with?
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female
reader, Justmealone +, writes (4 June 2008):
First off, be careful, because this usually ends up with heart break and distrust.
I know of a couple who did this and the guy left his gf for the other gf.
There are some that have done it and could never trust their bf again, and had problems with sex, because they always wondered if the other girl was better, or if the bf liked being with them more, so be careful.
If you're not 100% into wanting this, then by all means, don't do it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Be honest with your boyfriend and tell him you are really nervous and worried that you would giving the other woman alot of attention and that you are really unsure you can handle it....ask him since he is more confindent if he would be willing to try it with another man first, (the two of you and another man) so you can see how to circumvent these feelings and he can show you this :-)....if he gives you the old, 'I'm not gay' line, just remind him you aren't either! LOL
Please let us know how he responds to this, I think you'll find he's not as open as he thinks he is, he is just a selfish jerk!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Hi - slightly different take on the subject but before my boyfriend met me he had cheated on his girlfriend with a drunken threesome (apparently not full blown sex but I'm guessing oral and stuff). Trouble is.... not only do I have a bad view of it (the cheating) I also question his boundaries even now and it was nothing to do with me!. Maybe its just me but there is something that says if its ok for him to do this in front of you what is to say he won't do it behind your back? What are the boundaries after this happens? I don't think you want to do it by what you write which is fine neither would I - but the important thing is you don't do this to please someone else. I think he is wrong to ask you. Please be aware of the damage it can do to your relationship and your own esteem thereafter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I think your boyfriend wanting to have a threesome with another girl and you is some sort of a test....he wants to see how much power he just has over you, how far will you go to please him?
This does not bode well for your relationship. He seems to be a very self absorbed selfish male, this is just the tip of the iceberg so to speak.
This is not just about his wanting to have a threesome with another female. This is not about having a spicy sex life. This is about his cherishment of you, because it is lacking. He is a product of his generation, porn has become commonplace and relationship had become secondary. But it is a grave mistake he is making and it shows a lack of integrity and maturity and respect for you and the relationship that you both share.
Loving someone is about being lovable, it is about putting the other person first. He isn't showing that he is doing that for you, this is all about him and his desire to fool around with another chick and in front of you!
Don't do it, you will hate him for it and you will feel less love and less respect for him.....you already know this instinctively....you are just looking for someone to tell you to go against your own instincts as if it is something you need to get over. You don't, stick to your core values, that is who you are and that is how you were made...don't ever compromise for anyone, especially a man.
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 No-one can tell you show you 'should' feel about it - that's up to you.
I personally would be very uncomfortable about letting another girl at my lad - but again, that's just me.
If you feel weird about it or are uncomfortable about it in /any way/, then don't do it. I've always found that we get uncomfortable feelings for a reason - trust your gut.
Let your boyfriend know how you feel about this. Even if he really, really, REALLY wants to, he should care for you enough after two years to respect your decision.
Threesomes are something that require both partners to be incredibly secure in their relationship - there needs to be unwavering trust on both sides. If he's really keen, wait a few more years and see how you feel about it then. But for the time being, if you are uncomfortable at all, then just leave the whole thing alone.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Hi,
the mere fact that you are thinking like this suggests you are not ready or even excited by this idea.
Some people are, and I believe if it's your cup of tea then by all means go for it.
But I suspect your boyfriends actions here, for crying out loud you are only 18-21 and already he is scoping for new conquests- the fact that he wants to include you is moot. I think you would find he would be spending most of his attention on the new female if you went through with it.
Are you prepared for the jealousy that would arise seeing your partner having sex with another woman in front of you? If this doesnt turn you on then you shouldnt even think about doing it.
You could always suggest to him that if he wants to go through with it, then you would want to do it with two men the next time. I find the egos of these young blokes can't handle the female suddenly suggesting there should be some equality in these things.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I think you should feel offended; if one woman isn't enough for your boyfriend then maybe he should just be single. I think you should feel that doing this would be the beginning of the end of your relationship - because the statistics overwhelmingly indicate that it would be. I think that even if you want to do this, you should insist that you have a threesome with another man first. It's only fair, right? But I suspect that your boyfriend would get upset at even the mere suggestion that he do for you what he wants you to do for him...
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (4 June 2008):
 You SHOULD feel very weird about your boyfriend wanting you to participate in such activity, but I'm a much older (and perhaps a bit wiser) man who would have cherished the opportunity back when. But is that really what a loving boyfriend would ask any woman he really cares about?
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