A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so this question is only for people who have been in serious relationships. I need a non bi-est opinion on whats right. My boyfriend and I have been together now for about 7 months and we are in love. We never really argue but when we do its the same argument and it comes up like once a week, because i bring it up. He works a lot, over 40 hrs almost every week. He loves going to the gym, so when he gets of work he goes to the gym with his buddie. This is about every night. By the time he is done at the gym he is very tired when he finally gets to hanging out with me. Like last night he didnt come over until 2 am. (its not 2 am every night, mostly 11) I brought it up and he says that he sees me every day but what i tell him is that it is for only about 4 hrs tops a day. I feel like we should be hanging out more then that. And on his days off he tells me were going to hang out but then we dont end up seeing each other till that evening.Questions:How do i get him to realize where im coming from with this without arguing because he is so suborn. Am i wrong for putting pressure on him about this when he has a lot of stress already. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): I know how you feel, beleive me! Ive being with my boyfriend for 5 months and I have seen him once this week, that was last night and know plans to see him again. Thats how he is, stubborn, wont change his plans busy at work. He does what he wants to do. I would check out if thats where he is going every night. I have done it with my bf on numerous occassions and I know he isnt cheating. You have got to talk to him. I wouldnt wait up to see him and that time of the night its like being a booty cal. Call his bluff and tell him you will see him some other time when its convenient for you and not him. See where it goes from there.
A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (18 March 2011):
 He is training you, conditioning you to HIS schedule.
If that's acceptable to you, he's in you are in.
You're allowing his behavior, meaning, you're responsible for your happiness, that is if you are happy, but with this post, maybe not happy? Why do you think you don't deserve happiness?
That's something you should answer before you're next 10 coffees and answering the door at 11 to 2am in the morning.
What are you doing with your life or not doing that you'd accept this behavior?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Anyone with a full time job works forty or more hours per week so your boyfriend isn't doing anything remarkable. You don't have to get together every day, but when you do it should be much, much earlier than 11pm. Expecting you to wait up for him until 2am is beyond the pale. Accomodating his rude behaviour gives him no incentive to improve it.You cannot control what he does but you can set some healthy limits for yourself. If he's not able to see you before 8pm, you ought to take a pass. No guilt trip, no attitude or arguing. Just a polite declination. Better still if you don't even answer your phone past then. If you haven't seen him in two weeks cut him loose. Frankly, I think you should ditch him now. You are clearly not a priority for him.FYI: Biased, not bi-est.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): I'm a 32 year old female, divorced and now have been w/ my boyfriend for 5 years. So...sounds to me like he's either cheating on you and ISN"T just going to the gym, or he's cheating on you! Because he obviously doesn't care too much about your relationship/seeing each other. When you've been with someone for only 7 months, you're still new and fresh and can't get enough of each other. If he's out til 2a.m. every day, pull a "Cheaters" on him. Follow him for a night to see if he really IS going to the gym. I'm willing to bet he's not... I do hate to suggest that to anyone, but life is too darn short to spend it w/ someone who doesn't love you the say you them.
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