A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do i get closure? Im writing because im quite hurt. Ive broken up with my boyfriend of nearly a year. He was very loving, did sooo many lovely things for me, but he could switch and in an argument say some really really hurtful things. He is 22yrs old and im 28. At the start i was shocked by his age, but because we got on sooo well i thought id give things a chance. We were practically living together after a month and i guess things moved abit to fast. Thing is wed been arguing a great deal lately, making up and breaking up and there were several instances where i needed his support and he just didnt seem to be there for me. id always been there for him in the past and supported him through hard times and i guess i felt very let down. Whenever he'd let me down we would talk about it and hed say that he understood why i was upset and try to make it work.Aside from our constant making and breaking up, which was so draining, what made me finish things was his dishonesty, where the other weekend he said that he went out with a friend to a few bars. When i was on facebook afew days later i noticed that he'd added a new friend, this was a girl and i was curious as to how he knew her, so i clicked into her profile. while looking around i saw pics of him at her houseparty with her and loads of other people. i couldnt belive it and felt so sick. i couldnt belive he'd lied to me. i have trust issues from the past and couldnt understand whyhed lie about this. We lived together, he said that he loved me, yet he had no problems going to a houseparty and having pics taken all over this girl.. i am sickened. When i asked him, he said that he didnt tell me because it was too complicated.I finished things and we havnt seen eachother for a week. He hasnt apologised, tried to contact me or anything. Think he resents me for the fact that i finished the relaionship because to begin with he didnt want it to end. Iv deleted him from my facebook as i dont wana see what hes up to. will hurt too much. he starts uni next week as a mature student and im the one who motivated him to study, who helped him research the course and helped fill out the forms etc. i just feel used and very let down. i know that i deserve better but i just want to be able to move on like he has, but i cant. He was on MSN messenger today and didnt get in touch with me. i didnt him because of my pride. Fact that he said nothing, not even an apology hurt... just feel like everything was such a waste. How do i get through this and get proper closure. i know that things probably wont work, but guess it all hasnt sunk in yet... im just very hurt and fact that it seems like hes not bothered hurts even more.help!
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female
reader, dangerkat  +, writes (14 September 2007):
Good for you for not giving in! See? Even now he's using you for your culinary skills. You're right. Total detox is the way to go, and one day you'll look back and think to yourself "boy was I lucky I got rid of that loser".
All the best to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): 1stly, thanks for your emails. it all definately makes sense to me....... i know im a good person and deserve much better. i never judge people around me, and i gave him many chances.... im a professional, and i need to be applying myself to secure a leagl training contract, iv spent 5 years studying to have my career and im at the last hurdle and i will not a boy get in the way of that! i was good for him achieving his goals, but he hasnt helped me achieve mine..... well, iv not been in touch with him, and to top things of today he texted me saying that he wants to b friends and that he misses me alot... i didnt respond and then he texted sayn that as fiends hed like to come over for dinner... (im a very good cook)... i replyed saying no, not a good idea and that in time maybe we could be friends....... he responded saying sorry he texted... im very disappointed because i would have preferred for him to apologise for hurting me and going to this house party, being over this girl, rather than sendn me a mere text! hw will never get it i see now... but its still hard. total detox is maybe best for me.hope this gets better.
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A
female
reader, misscandy +, writes (14 September 2007):
I don't understand why some guys behave in such way. They don't even think their partners are worthy of an explanation or closure. Most men don't like confrontations and they chicken out. I have just had similar situation so i joint this web site to get some help and talk to people.I think you took the right decision. Don't let people play with your emotions. He didn't even think ur worthy of an explanation: Is he worthy of your love? He didn't even appologise and seems to have moved on. Dun waste your time for him. You cannot forcefully take words out of his mouth.Try to engage yourself in something you like. You seem like a lovely person, You will find somebody better:) good luck
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A
female
reader, dangerkat +, writes (14 September 2007):
First off, you were right to dump him and you are better off without him. "Complicated" and sneaking about is no way to behave in a relationship.
The only thing that can really help you is time and keeping busy. If there is something you wanted to do before you met him and never got a chance to when you were with him, then now is your chance!
I know you feel used, and, you have been. But, on the other hand, at least you know now instead of wasting any more time on him. We only learn from our mistakes, never our successes. Chalk him up to a learning experience.
Good luck to you.
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