A
female
age
41-50,
*ummer43
writes:I have been in a vicious cycle for over 2 years. I feel completely unappreciated 50% of the time and I don’t know what to do. I do everything, care about everything and try so hard to make our lives beautiful. Not only does he not appreciate half of the things I do, but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t even care about me. That is the worst feeling in the world. We’ve talked about it…a million times. Nothing changes and if they do they are only temporary. I am starting to feel like I am in this relationship by myself and hate to think that this is how it will be forever. The other 50% of the time is the opposite extreme of love and romantic bliss. There is no happy medium and this has gone beyond the typical ups and downs of a relationship. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t even want to talk about it anymore because I know that it will not change anything. I am beginning to feel depressed and helpless but I don’t want to give up. It takes two and I am in this alone…..Please help……..What do I do?
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female
reader, isotone +, writes (10 July 2009):
I feel the same way. I dont know what to do, we have a little one (1 yr old), and I keep changing things around the house, and planning little activites thinking it will make me feel better, but no. Several people are telling me it is post partum dep. but I have already been through that and back. I dont know what to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I completely understand where you are coming from..I have been in exactly the same situation for 5 years now...they will never change...they are only out to satisfy themselves and at the end of the day...we just become more and more depressed and miserable...It gets harder to leave when you are married and with children. If you have no children .. then I would strongly suggest you leave....I know its hard but its hard because you are so used to being treated like this that in your mind you convince yourself that its ok and really not that bad. My husband has recently had an affair with a prostitute...and he was treating me exactly the way you explained it.
Please be strong...think of yourself first...you deserve happiness just as much as the next person.....
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 I think this guy is ill-suited for you emotionally and this is what is causing your pain. Some men (and women too) are just not that ceremonious about their relationships. They don't give a damn about remembering special dates or anniversaries, they aren't sentimental or sappy when it comes to certain songs, or certain memories that you hold dear - and this is absolute torture of those of us who do care about these things. Because we will always feel disrespected, de-valued and unappreciated. I think you'd be much happier if you found a man who looks at life much like you do, and can celebrate the things that are important to you, and treat you in a more loving, romantic way. I've been in both kinds of relationships and it's always better for me to be with someone who thinks like I do, and has a softer side. Otherwise I just don't feel loved. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): I completely understand what you are feeling! I'm in your same age range and I am going through what seems to be the same thing. I tried to talk to my guy about this and he told me that if I was that unhappy than I should leave him. . . . but emotionally I can't.
I wish I had some advice, but at least know you are not alone!
Hugs!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Have you asked him how he feels yet?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): You need to slam down hard to your husband that your at this breaking point because you can't cope with the fact that your unloved and unappreciated.
You need to say you feel he doesn't care about you and you need to bring it down hard onto him. If he doesn't care, gets angry, anything then you need to think about other options.
Marriage consuelling is a possibility (if you are married) and once he's started listening. Even so, some form of consuelling would be a good idea.
Maybe you will have to start thinking about giving up...
I hate giving people bad news. If you hit him down hard and make him seriously realize what your relationship has come to, then he will try just as hard as you. But you need to say what you've told us.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help, read others advice.
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